un-achivable goals perhaps perfection is

The trouble with finding perfection , never seems to last. I had found the perfect arrangement the perfect couple to Dom me. I profess to being a slave, ask me to do anything on my list and it is done. So proud of myself that I think I was vain. I was enjoying myself so much that I could not conceive that anyone could be unhappy in the arrangement

Who is at fault no one but as a slave I should not have un-collared myself. Yep so vain that I would not wait for an explanation of words. In my right to ask to be un-collard not my right to just do it by myself. Of course I, right now want to write down the words and say am I not right and I might be right but protocols which exude from my skin were broken. Politeness was broken Two of the few people that I have been able to trust well vanity is just not a good thing in a supposed slave.

Dominants can be and are wrong many times. Some times they are lazy sometimes they do not know what to do sometimes there is a good reason to un-collar oneself. Sometimes words on paper with out emotion or visualization allows the reader to place emotions on the writer that might not have existed, probably did not exist but hey many wars have started because of words.

Protocols go both ways they are there for a reason I could have followed them and found out I was right and all of this might not have had to happen at all. These people have whipped me pour hot wax on me, taken pictures of me and posted them to their blogs. They have made fun of my penis and used me as I had wanted to be used as a slave. I loved every minute but communication lines that I thought were there were not. Vanity is a sharp sword to play when you are a slave. I did not make it clear in the contract how communications should be handled I was so trying to be open I assumed they would be handle as I have always done. Well you know the what happened then that cute saying played it self out .

What have I learned ?

I cannot be as open as I was it creates emotions in me and that caused expectations to happen not good for me or a slave. As I do not like to under achieve when I am emotional. Being closed or not as open I can handle much better.n I can be a great slave just not as open, like most slaves and subs we still want to hold some of the control for ourselves. Though we will never admit that to a Dominant.

Honour has loss me many things over the years . I have said no to rules , bosses , family and now friends. Now to protocols one that I thought I would never do but found a reason in mind at least one thing was so wrong that I went against rules. Honour is a word not understood by all in the same way.

Should I be lucky enough to find another perfection I will ask to be taken to the wood shed more often and just have the spunk beaten out of me. then I will write the contract I should be in a good frame of mind then if not well take me back to the wood shed until I am. After that no matter who the contract is with it will be based on needs rather than assumption on my part.

As for the water under the bridge well I will not say I understood the words wrong but will say I did not follow protocols nor gave any one a chance to explain more than what I wanted to hear.

SO 2007 not such a great year one to take lessons from but put the memories to rest. In 2008 I hope to find a dominant that can control a brat such as myself but allow me to remain closed until I open up willingly. That will take trust and a lot of communication.

So next year I hope to have a jolly red ass be a better slave lets hope because I really do not need any more coal under the tree.