Different feelings of Humiliation

I have always thought that having to serve someone you do not want to takes a lot more submission then if you did like him or her.

Those disgusting bullies that pushed your face in the snow and out of fear you did what they wanted now you would have to admit to them that it is not fear but wish to submit to their disgusting treatment. The idea that they were better not because they were but because you wanted it that way you put them on high to be worshipped would that be more humiliating?

Would some one you like being offered your submission be more? The beautiful woman you have adored laughing as she took hold of your leash the now naked slave once her pride to be an toy for her pleasures.

Or would it be the buddy you have been friends with for years. And now you kneel with a red ass from his hand sucking his cock as he is smiling thinking of all the other ways he can belittle a former equal would that carry more Humiliation?

Is humiliation always part of slavery.

A slave to me has always carried a stigma of humiliation to it. To me it means tht they lost a battle or war. They were into strong enough to defend themselves against raiders or too week in power and were sold off by their own people. So humiliation through not be strong enough to win they are the losers. They could also be the victims of bullies. Little one brought up a point though what of those born into slavery and I speak only of historically/ Well quite true they did not loose but their parents must have and they are not willing to break out or revolt they are content to be lesser then their owners so there lies the humiliation to me. Much like those that do not stand up to bullies out of fear well that is their humiliation .

So still a firm believer that humiliation is part and parce of the slavery gig.

Fear and the enjoyment of it.

I have come to the conclusion that I enjoy all sorts of fear . I was on Male submissive art and saw a naked man hand cuffed with a woman pressing into his body with hers holding a gun. Suggesting to me that the male was forced into this position.

A particular fear is one of being caught. Where what ever I have done creates an opportunity to be blackmailed. Perhaps it is a way of not admitting to my desires those that I wish to submit but rather portraying them as I have to or my secret is out. What secret who knows, as I am pretty liberal and not much affect me at least that I show. In my early days I offered challenges, played strip poked or had races only to deliberately try to loose. I would make elaborate boasts or wild bets in the hopes those I played with would take me up on them. Some did some did not but during the game the fear caused excitement of such strength.

I think it is the want of humiliation, the enjoyment of pain and the titillation of fear tht has kept me in the lifestyle. I am still looking for my bully the one that caused my capture then has control on all my actions. It is they who cause the crowds to laugh at my expense. Yes I know some in the lifestyle will say you should just be able to ask your dominant for a session and not have to get in trouble to get one. Quite true! But what if you enjoy running your fingers on the tiger’s cage should you not asked then to be chased if that is what you look for? AN old game I have played is called CCS. Chase catch and strip I would never be the first caught , I would tease and tantalize those chasing until I was the last one on my team the I would stumble. The last one was always treated the nastiest, I so enjoyed that.

Revenge or wish for submission

I am off to see an old slave turned vanilla for a coffee this morning. I have to say during this period of time in my life I am having wonderfully submissive feelings spurred on by fantasies of having to be a slave to one of my ex slaves.

I would also say that my most submissive feelings have come from being in a submissive position with other slaves. Funny that the two times I have feel the most slave like and humiliated has been serving a submissive friend of mine and the other a former slave. Though I do not expect anything from today other then vanilla conversation the idea is very powerful. I guess it is just the time of my life and the submissive phase I am going through but wild thoughts abound.

what slaves will do to amuse themselves

So many times in the past I have taken Hermit time in my garage. I used to get away from vanilla life, which is what Hermit time is all about. I have offer challenges and free work I have posted when I would be in Hermit time almost daring anyone who read it to come over and catch me. Better send some one to my door and see if I would answer the door naked. Sadly while itn effort and intentions were good on my part the results were dismal. One of the few that actively participated in the challenges was a friend who is a submissive. Seems that the Dominants at the time who read Hermit time did so in passing or were unimpressed with the prize.So I have refrained from the challenges and have gone back to hermit time in the garage.

In the past I would insert a butt plug .put on nipple clamps attached to a chain. The chain I hooked on to a nail on the top part of the garage door. And of course a chain collar. The chain attached to the garage door forced my face, neck and shoulders to be visible to passer bys on the street. So when a car or people would pass I had to duck or twist backwards giving a delicious torture to my nipples. If anything popped out or fell off I had to repeat the time I was to spend.

Of course I upgraded to wearing hand cuffs that would not easily allow me to unhook the chain should some one approach. Then I went wild one day using the runners for the door to attach chains to for my wrists. The only way I could get out of them was to work them slowly off the end of the runner. All lots of fun as they increased my excitement and took the boredom out of the day. Then if it was a good day I could work in the house naked and my house would sparkle. Now not enough of that happens and I would have to say I missed it.

So any one gat a garage I can hang around in or perhaps some nasty cleaning they need a naked slave for? lol

A pondering

When sitting around with a butt plug in you tend to ponder a howle lot on meanings.

Pure slavery.

A term use by an acquaintance of mine to describe some thing she wishes to try. Since hearing the term I have fantasized about what it could mean to her. As words can always be interpreted in at least two understandings and usually many more I have given a lot of thought to it’s meaning.

Now slap me if I am wrong but I do believe that it is or carries the meaning of what I have been looking for. No small talk about the price of gas or what we did last summer. No limits put forth by the slave or toy no ideas, demands or listings of what the slave likes to do just compliances to the dominants wishes and their desires.

No control by the slave at all, service, punishment , play is up to the dominant including dismissal for poor behaviour. I guess the only question is whether the slave or the Dominant can remain in their desired states with out a lapse or break.

I would guess length of time would have something to do with it. I have been to a camp but would have to say I was in and our of roles the dominants was not as strong as Ineeded or had wished for so that would be a concern for me but might make me concentrate a lot more on the dominants rather then what I felt I was missing.

Thoughts on being a toy

Thoughts on being a toy.

I would have to say that the idea of being a toy satisfies me on several fronts. The first interests for me had always been the unknown. A true slave never had the choice of which owner they wanted that to me is a bit alluring. For me it brings the idea of serving, lack of control and humiliation to a high point. What if I do not like the person think there are beneath me? What better a humiliation to be forced to serve them? Would I relish in the humiliation of it or count the minutes before it is over.

Abuse would be another as I might be a toy with a desired used it might not be the use the toy wielded wish. So for a short period of time I would have no control on how I was used. No one wondering if I was happy just some one making sure they were happy. Lack of control ties into this I would not have any reason to give scenarios or tell them what to do. That would be wild, as I love the unknown. I love the challenge of doing something I have not a clue about or involved in plans I do not know. I cold be traded, lent and I would have no say in the matter. A toy has no emotion ties for an owner. An owner might have a favourite toy but no toy has a favourite owner.

Yes I know I am describing a slave. I have in the past used the title of slave perhaps even abused it. Most of my past dominants have not understood my desires and I think have not used me to the fullest of their desires negating the possibility of reaching mine.

The label of toy, yes I know we do not like labels but really without them it might take years to describe what I am so it is nice to have a starting point a common ground or understanding. Unfortunately, the word slave and it’s meaning seems to be convoluted now, I would have used a hankie code but I do not know of one that describes me that well so that is why I will use the label toy along with my thoughts on being a toy I hope more will understand or at least promote discussion on what I can provide and what I need.

A toy or aa slave

A toy.

A word used for many a thing. A toy in the lifestyle can represent a thing or a person.

When a thing it has purpose not only for what it was intended but as a mental stimulant for the one the toy is to be used on and perhaps to the one who will use it.

In reference to a person it is slightly different. It usually means someone that is used only at specific times such as a play party or perhaps as a prelude to sex. The person become s the slave, submissive or bottom for just that period of time.

Sadly, right now I feel relegate to being a toy. One deep down in the box that when found such comments as I thought I threw that out or oh my god does it still work. Not by choice but timing and circumstance has forced me to accept that the lifestyle demands more flexibility and freedom then any other lifestyle based on rules, restrictions and at the end of it acceptance or understanding.

The Vanillas like to say how open they are but only of things they can understand, I had thought that this would be surpassed inside of the life style but vanilla traits can still be felt and surface quite easily when challenged. So many profess that there is only one way their way and expound upon it to any one of similar voice that cheer on those that express what they also feel.

I and thought that perhaps the Gay community might offer some greater acceptance but honestly the ones I have spoke to are more into the idea of clicks that snipe and attack others. Play nights at clubs once hard to find are now quite common though more a fashion show then hard play. I feel or at least hope there are those who stay away from the gossip, the labelling and Holier then thou attitude and simple wish to play. Those who preferred hankie codes to profiles and private enjoyment amongst like minded individual rather than the exploitation of the lifestyle for the pompous desire to be what they are not.

So I will call my self a toy my purpose I am here to be used and enjoyed by any one that can have evil fun the rest of the superior one that wet themselves when they look in the mirror well you have your playmate it is looking back at you from the mirror.
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Thoughs about Humiliation

Humiliation

is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly. Acting to humiliate yourself may be linked to a personal belief (as with mortification of the flesh, with some religions), or it can be part of erotic humiliation where the belittling activity provides emotional and/or sexual arousal or heightened sensation

SO one of the last statements there must be other involved is one I will start with. Humiliation to me is closely related to the feeling you get when you have either accidentally or deliberately exposed your self . Some might think of this an act alone but there are those that have seen you so that is involving other people. If you have not been seen then the possibility of others seeing you is exciting it is not the intensity of having been caught.

I feel being caught is vary much at the base of the humiliation game, caught in lie , shown to be lacking in strength, show as weak or that others can control you. All the essence of bullying and of slavery comes out in being caught. Perhaps caught showing your true feelings but still caught.

Slavery to me is the ultimate bulling we give over control to others. They mistreat us slap us around and we do nt leave then for fear. Fear of not having our desires met, fear of the pain that will happen if we do, fear of no longer being the point of some one’s attention. One of the reasons I adore CFmn as it puts the naked male as the canter of attention. The person naked in a room full of dressed people is in tht old dream, nightmare of fantasy depends on how you look at it. Naked at school or in a business meeting is what I speak of. How everyone at first ignores you as you are nothing until one discovers your exposure then all attention is turned to you! As a slave is your exposure any lest, it does not change because of what you are called. I believe that humiliation is a very great part of slavery. Many of the Dominants that exist now are not the successful intelligent people that we might prefer. For me the humiliation tends to increase if I slave to some one normally consider weaker then me. Serving females as there stature is usually smaller then mine or then mine that would not command respect from me in vanilla life as he does in the lifestyle because he holds my chain.

Some thought s on humiliation they are mine you do not have to agree and yes this is an ongoing thought so there will be more.