I can only speak for myself the freedom of being naked creates a great loneliness. Standing in the garage bungee cords attaching my nipple clamps to the garage door waiting for some one to pass on the street so I can quickly hide from their sight or the chance of discovery from those within used to bring a a wild feeling. Now today no one passed no one and no one is home it just reinforces the loneliness of not having some one to torment me.
While doing house work in the nude with the chance of someone coming home has had it’s affect also a cold absences of reason to slave when there is no one to slave for. I had once thought that being subservient to the vanillas that live with me with out their knowledge could give me some relief but when they do not know and do not take advantage of having a slave what is the point. No one is there to say do it again. No one to bring out the paddle or strap and redden one’s ass. The fantasy of having them bring their friends in to humiliate you in the position of slave serve those that once would serve me as the pecking order in vanilla life is different. The fantasy of embarrassment in front of those once called friends will never occur that is a hard fact.
At my age I wonder if I will find a dominant wishing to take me as a slave. I talk to many Dominants but it is all discussions rather then interviews for a position with them. I see now that the lack of a dominant in my life is a great draw back I ponder the idea of just removing my profiles and try to find happiness in the vanilla’s world sitting back and smiling not at the company but the sweet memories of slavery that I was able to have putting aside the desires that I still foster deep inside.
Just a quiet rant with myself one that I hope will pass quickly and quietly.
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