Somethings are just best keep to myself.

I was sitting on a bus I had not taken in a while and smiled as I passed a house I always like to see on Baffin. A large house three car garage and looked a bit Gothic. My vanilla friend next to me commented that I was smiling. I said it is the house that I had always fantasized about what it was like inside. He said when we start smiling at impossible things we are stating to show our age.

I smiled again but did not tell him why. I had smiled at all the fantasies that I had lived out imagine if I had told him about that . How I was a slave and had several session by the age of twenty one. How I live for three glorious months as a slave or my first trainings with Greogian. The numerous ass of women I have kissed as well as oher places. How I pranced around several times at clubs private parties and at camps being a slave. I will not say how many spankings or whippings I have endured for both the pleasure of my Dominants and myself.

I really should not tell him of my real fantasy of the house on Baffin of being the house boy or naked man servant. No some things are just best shared here where my vanilla friends do not go and if they stumble onto all they get to see is my naked ass. So unless they have been admiring my ass from a far I guess I am okay. Somethings are just best keep to myself.

bulling vs slavery

I find many of the key elements of slavery can be found in being bullied. At least key elements that I enjoy. First there is the unknown factor of being bullied you do not know what they will do nor how far they will go. So far I have never heard of a bully asking for your hard limits. No bully has ever to my knowledge ask what victim would like they do.

The fear factor comes to fore front. Most comply because of this if I don’t it will be worse. Having you face spat upon or urinated on both are some slaves desires. Kissing or rimming ass, licking feet all bulling are also desires of some slaves.

Then there is the humiliation of it being tied to fence , forced nudity of having people you would not give the time day to being in control of you. Another humiliation is when others see this being done to you.

I guess having never been bullied in school and that it has a lot of things I have desired for a while certainly intrigues me.

Having been a switch there is another thing that I ponder that is what if I had to serve an old slave of mine how nasty could she be. Would it be more humiliating to have some one that I tortured now in charge would that not be interesting a revenge factor almost? SO much to think about

So what do you do with a naked male slave?

Seems a hard question for some Dominants. The males I find rather timid when it comes to having a male slave almost as it they do not know what to do. Gay males are better at it but alas boys, seems as if the ladies have you beat. They have plans at least and do not fumble the pre-conversations being dishonest with themselves let alone the slave.

Seems it must be the questions I pose such as have you had a male slave? Which if they answer yes to means they did some thing with them, had some concept of what they can be used for. If you say no then I question further to see if they have an idea of what to do. So straight males before they contact a male slave think a bit and I will give you a hint what do you use a female slave for? If you just say sex well perhaps a re-think of where you are might help.

Perhaps I should confine my offering of my slavery to the more evil, intelligent, honest and nastier of sexes. Ladies any one needs a slave for house work and abuse? Hopefully one with a an evil laugh and mind to go along as when one is on all fours scrubbing the floor one would not want to get bored.

Anticipation.

A better word I cannot think of when waiting for someone you have never met yet hope to turn over to them all the dark desires and feelings. I got there early and sat where I was supposed to an hour early.

Torture in a form as every male that turned the corner was immediately sized up and compared to what I thought should be. A few oh I hope not and one or tow of if this guy asks me my name I will only speak French to him. Of course as time went on there was the old question what am I doing here they all want younger males with huge organs to make suffer? So a few times I contemplated leaving but a friend of mine said I did a lot of pre-judging of some one I had never met.

Most of the time the ones I have met are shell dominants those that look and shout out commands but do not know how to dominate. They expect every slave to fall at their feet because they call themselves a Master.

Well today I met I hope one of the others. A male dominant who has thought and understanding. I did not have to keep anything in check I was calm when he walk up to me and calm when he left. I did not have to lead the discussion he did. He had questions no asking what I had done or wanted to do but that his desires would be met. He asked the questions but for one of the few times I felt a dominant actually listened to my answers. He has also warned me about breaking rules to get a punishment though he has said that his slave just needs to keep him informed of my thoughts and needs.

Now once tied up and bent over for him I do not know how comfortable I will be but I think if my feelings go right I will be enjoying my service as his slave. How nice not to have to think of what should happen next all that is required of me is to obey no thinking till after the session is over no planning before. How nice to be used again. From what I have surmised from his emails and conversation of today I will not be lacking in use nor have idle time when with him.

Defining one self

With recent events in my life I have decided to redefine myself. So out with old an din with the new. The problem I am having is one I have written about before. How defined can you be? Silly question now a days is it not.

Now here comes the old man rhetoric. I used to walk into a darkened club and when ask I would say I am a submissive later changed to a slave. I liked corporal punishment, bondage, service and humiliation.

Now to say the same thing might take an hour or two but I will try later on at the end. I just have a few questions first. How defined do we really want to be? Who to hell knows all the meanings? Penetration means at least to me something going in. I was told penetration is a term used for objects but not butt plugs that is pluggin. Oh and penis penetration is still buggering but few know that term it is an ass fuck or rape depending on who you talk to. Being goosed is a finger fuck and anal play does not include rimming. And is there a difference between ass play and anal play. What is play piercing does it not mean the skin is broken then it is pierced. Ball busting means being kicked in the balls but being slapped there does not fall under ball busting, nor does presses. Spanking well, hand, belt or paddle which do you fall under for me a good ass beating was what I called it. I could see my self tell a dominant okay three minutes of hand two with the belt and 6 with paddle and a liberal spray of alcohol please hold on that is chemical torture now. Predicament bondage is not being in bondage a predicament, ball and cock bondage no that is not really part of cbt go figure could not do that could we. Humiliations well there is small penis humiliation but what makes a small penis some say less than three inches others say one and a half flaccid let attack it another way what is big hey I can answer that anything that hurts when it is placed in my ass! Hot wax or paraffin play is that not what wax is paraffin?

Getting into the over all name. There once was a bottom , a submissive, a slave they basically did what the dominants told them naked in uniform or a dress. Now there are sissy boys, sissy maids., Cross dressers houseboys, sex slave (hmmmm like that one) boot slave, puppy dogs, ponies, bondage bottoms, pain sluts, sluts, stable boys, piss slaves, toilet slaves, cuckolds and of course goreans. Sorry if I missed any but hell I was lost before imagine now.

As I perused fetlife and their list of fetishes I kept running into titles that I have no idea of. Checking on wickapedia I came up empty I will not bore you with them all just one sticks out in my mind boot blacking!

So now my turn here goes? I am a slave, well not really 9 or ten hard limits from being a real slave. So basically the dominants says and I do or at least I am if I understand what the heck they mean. So I guess that means I am a servant, maid , forced cross dresser, house boy, sex slave, cuckold, into anal, cp, cbt, anal play , ass play, bondage, cock and ball bondage, predicament bondage, butt plugs, clothes pegs, clamps, canes, chains, dildos, blindfolds, spankings, hand spankings, belt spankings, paddling on my ass not canoe, water sports, hot wax, paraffin, having a lit cigarette dragged of my ass cheeks, shaving, receiving anal penetrations with most objects including strap ons…. By the time I finish this list I will be retired hmmm just call me a slave and we can discuss the rest over a coffee.

C'est la vie

This would have been a rant but instead it will be a learning experience for me. After repeated emails and calls I found out that my suspicions were well founded. I finally received a short to the point reply from a friend of twenty years. You seem to have drifted to a darkness that we do not wish to associate with. We prefer our dungeons to be a concept rather than a reality. We do not wish further contact with you.

Some that call themselves friends I think in reality mean you must share all their concepts and ideas. A shame I enjoyed their company and resources for medieval weapons and castle building. C’est la vie.

So seems that we are not a liberated society that I thought we were. I did not tell them of my love of bdsm no in this day and age they google my handle and found my blog. Oh well I could hide my blog or not post pictures of my self but I have already removed it once but no longer feel like hiding it anymore it is an expression of who I am and if some one does not like well don’t look ther eis a warning. If more friends wish to raise their hands to their open mouth sand gasp well then I made them live for a few second and gave them hours of gossip that they can spread about like jelly. Hmmm wrestling in jelly could be fun. Not so bad if you can make some one come alive for a few moments.

At this time in my life I must say at times I am very frustrated. I am not at a point where I am enjoying myself nor are there many prospects that I will find what I look for. Perhaps a good thing to leave some old friendships drop by the way side and re-evaluate relations , friends where I am where I want to be . I think those that I have one or two things in common with detract from my time and efforts to move along and enjoy myself. I have done too much mentoring given away precious time to those that no longer say hello. Old slaves might just occupy too much of my time and all the Dominants that never contact me perhaps I shall just leave them alone till they do.

So it is not a rant but perhaps a self-realization I constantly tell one of my good friends that he tries to please and help too many, those not really worthy of his time or just take away from his own enjoyment. Perhaps I too am guilty of that I always thought I was not but it could be in here somewhere. So I guess those good friends of mine that after seeing me naked with a red ass tied to a cross have given me the fodder to get into gear. I guess I should send them a thank you card you one that has me ties up having my balls beat or perhaps hot wax. That sort of goes along with medieval torture does it not?

Okay what did I learn? If you want something you have to understand things cannot stay the same. Things will get broken some will mend other will not. C’est la vie!

Degrees of seperation

Degrees of separation

I have been busy asking lifestylers about the difference between a slave and a sub I asked only those of course that believe in a difference. The major difference and no not accurate to 6 one hundreds is that they believe a slave has or should have no hard limits. Some said it was about how negotiations are done, others said trust, a few said slaves will serve anyone owned or not , I think that is call a doormat but we will let them dream.

So for me the consensus of a very small group of Dom/mes share the idea of hard limits being the difference and the next major similar choice was trust. SO my list of hard limit s will show how far I am away from the ideal slave.

First Non-consensual.

This is my kink that everyone’s this also includes children, those that cannot make legal decisions, and I love this expression I got from a Dom I only play with my species.

Body modifications.

Yep I want to keep all my body parts and not have needles or piercing pushed through nor do I need a tattoo saying Mistress so and so on my ass reduces the re-sale value of the slave.

Family, business and friends.

This could be a soft limit depends but right now I would not want that to happen. This includes photos of my face just do not want to see tht plaster all over the internet.

Masks, gags and confinement in small dark areas.

Just somewhere I do not want to go.

Penile insertions.

Pretty free in anal play however my penis is a one way out an exit only.

Legal.

Yes well might be convince to be outside naked in non populated area or when the chance is minimal but prostituting my self or breaking of laws no way. So sort of a soft limit at times as a friend said depends sometimes.

Scat

Again do not mind things in the ass, things that come out clean just no excrement on me or me expelling it touching or anything else. Out of a clean ass I will rim, eat grapes just no crap please. Sort of a soft limit bad choice of words I guess but hard limit is shit.

So that give me a total of 7 hard limits 3 soft and 4 hard limits. Ten degrees from me being an ideal slave, or at lest my ideal. Some of them might fall if I really trust some one other would never.

Now trust that cannot be measured nor can I give it must be earned I would call it payment for my slavery is the work a dominant has to put in to earn it then we can see about what limits can be pushed a little.