Somethings are just best keep to myself.

I was sitting on a bus I had not taken in a while and smiled as I passed a house I always like to see on Baffin. A large house three car garage and looked a bit Gothic. My vanilla friend next to me commented that I was smiling. I said it is the house that I had always fantasized about what it was like inside. He said when we start smiling at impossible things we are stating to show our age.

I smiled again but did not tell him why. I had smiled at all the fantasies that I had lived out imagine if I had told him about that . How I was a slave and had several session by the age of twenty one. How I live for three glorious months as a slave or my first trainings with Greogian. The numerous ass of women I have kissed as well as oher places. How I pranced around several times at clubs private parties and at camps being a slave. I will not say how many spankings or whippings I have endured for both the pleasure of my Dominants and myself.

I really should not tell him of my real fantasy of the house on Baffin of being the house boy or naked man servant. No some things are just best shared here where my vanilla friends do not go and if they stumble onto all they get to see is my naked ass. So unless they have been admiring my ass from a far I guess I am okay. Somethings are just best keep to myself.

Anticipation.

A better word I cannot think of when waiting for someone you have never met yet hope to turn over to them all the dark desires and feelings. I got there early and sat where I was supposed to an hour early.

Torture in a form as every male that turned the corner was immediately sized up and compared to what I thought should be. A few oh I hope not and one or tow of if this guy asks me my name I will only speak French to him. Of course as time went on there was the old question what am I doing here they all want younger males with huge organs to make suffer? So a few times I contemplated leaving but a friend of mine said I did a lot of pre-judging of some one I had never met.

Most of the time the ones I have met are shell dominants those that look and shout out commands but do not know how to dominate. They expect every slave to fall at their feet because they call themselves a Master.

Well today I met I hope one of the others. A male dominant who has thought and understanding. I did not have to keep anything in check I was calm when he walk up to me and calm when he left. I did not have to lead the discussion he did. He had questions no asking what I had done or wanted to do but that his desires would be met. He asked the questions but for one of the few times I felt a dominant actually listened to my answers. He has also warned me about breaking rules to get a punishment though he has said that his slave just needs to keep him informed of my thoughts and needs.

Now once tied up and bent over for him I do not know how comfortable I will be but I think if my feelings go right I will be enjoying my service as his slave. How nice not to have to think of what should happen next all that is required of me is to obey no thinking till after the session is over no planning before. How nice to be used again. From what I have surmised from his emails and conversation of today I will not be lacking in use nor have idle time when with him.

Defining one self

With recent events in my life I have decided to redefine myself. So out with old an din with the new. The problem I am having is one I have written about before. How defined can you be? Silly question now a days is it not.

Now here comes the old man rhetoric. I used to walk into a darkened club and when ask I would say I am a submissive later changed to a slave. I liked corporal punishment, bondage, service and humiliation.

Now to say the same thing might take an hour or two but I will try later on at the end. I just have a few questions first. How defined do we really want to be? Who to hell knows all the meanings? Penetration means at least to me something going in. I was told penetration is a term used for objects but not butt plugs that is pluggin. Oh and penis penetration is still buggering but few know that term it is an ass fuck or rape depending on who you talk to. Being goosed is a finger fuck and anal play does not include rimming. And is there a difference between ass play and anal play. What is play piercing does it not mean the skin is broken then it is pierced. Ball busting means being kicked in the balls but being slapped there does not fall under ball busting, nor does presses. Spanking well, hand, belt or paddle which do you fall under for me a good ass beating was what I called it. I could see my self tell a dominant okay three minutes of hand two with the belt and 6 with paddle and a liberal spray of alcohol please hold on that is chemical torture now. Predicament bondage is not being in bondage a predicament, ball and cock bondage no that is not really part of cbt go figure could not do that could we. Humiliations well there is small penis humiliation but what makes a small penis some say less than three inches others say one and a half flaccid let attack it another way what is big hey I can answer that anything that hurts when it is placed in my ass! Hot wax or paraffin play is that not what wax is paraffin?

Getting into the over all name. There once was a bottom , a submissive, a slave they basically did what the dominants told them naked in uniform or a dress. Now there are sissy boys, sissy maids., Cross dressers houseboys, sex slave (hmmmm like that one) boot slave, puppy dogs, ponies, bondage bottoms, pain sluts, sluts, stable boys, piss slaves, toilet slaves, cuckolds and of course goreans. Sorry if I missed any but hell I was lost before imagine now.

As I perused fetlife and their list of fetishes I kept running into titles that I have no idea of. Checking on wickapedia I came up empty I will not bore you with them all just one sticks out in my mind boot blacking!

So now my turn here goes? I am a slave, well not really 9 or ten hard limits from being a real slave. So basically the dominants says and I do or at least I am if I understand what the heck they mean. So I guess that means I am a servant, maid , forced cross dresser, house boy, sex slave, cuckold, into anal, cp, cbt, anal play , ass play, bondage, cock and ball bondage, predicament bondage, butt plugs, clothes pegs, clamps, canes, chains, dildos, blindfolds, spankings, hand spankings, belt spankings, paddling on my ass not canoe, water sports, hot wax, paraffin, having a lit cigarette dragged of my ass cheeks, shaving, receiving anal penetrations with most objects including strap ons…. By the time I finish this list I will be retired hmmm just call me a slave and we can discuss the rest over a coffee.

Degrees of seperation

Degrees of separation

I have been busy asking lifestylers about the difference between a slave and a sub I asked only those of course that believe in a difference. The major difference and no not accurate to 6 one hundreds is that they believe a slave has or should have no hard limits. Some said it was about how negotiations are done, others said trust, a few said slaves will serve anyone owned or not , I think that is call a doormat but we will let them dream.

So for me the consensus of a very small group of Dom/mes share the idea of hard limits being the difference and the next major similar choice was trust. SO my list of hard limit s will show how far I am away from the ideal slave.

First Non-consensual.

This is my kink that everyone’s this also includes children, those that cannot make legal decisions, and I love this expression I got from a Dom I only play with my species.

Body modifications.

Yep I want to keep all my body parts and not have needles or piercing pushed through nor do I need a tattoo saying Mistress so and so on my ass reduces the re-sale value of the slave.

Family, business and friends.

This could be a soft limit depends but right now I would not want that to happen. This includes photos of my face just do not want to see tht plaster all over the internet.

Masks, gags and confinement in small dark areas.

Just somewhere I do not want to go.

Penile insertions.

Pretty free in anal play however my penis is a one way out an exit only.

Legal.

Yes well might be convince to be outside naked in non populated area or when the chance is minimal but prostituting my self or breaking of laws no way. So sort of a soft limit at times as a friend said depends sometimes.

Scat

Again do not mind things in the ass, things that come out clean just no excrement on me or me expelling it touching or anything else. Out of a clean ass I will rim, eat grapes just no crap please. Sort of a soft limit bad choice of words I guess but hard limit is shit.

So that give me a total of 7 hard limits 3 soft and 4 hard limits. Ten degrees from me being an ideal slave, or at lest my ideal. Some of them might fall if I really trust some one other would never.

Now trust that cannot be measured nor can I give it must be earned I would call it payment for my slavery is the work a dominant has to put in to earn it then we can see about what limits can be pushed a little.

A boring day ahead

I am not an anal person well I am but I am not. I love ass play but my character is far more relax I go with the flow. But there are things that annoy me. Buses that do not run on time, people that are late for appointments, blogs that are not there and excuses that are lame.

It is most annoying tht a blog goes quiet just because they are on spring breakor have to buy a car. Most inconsiderate of them to interrupt my reading of them how dares they. LOL just a little fun shot at a friend who has complained in the past about blogs disappearing.

A quiet day ahead for me and I think for many others or at least changes in their routines. So much has changed, munches have gone by the wayside, long chats with a variety of people are absent. Every one now makes toys so no real need or should I say want to purchase there are some web sites with great quality items. Almost everyone writes stories or journals, there are so many sites and clubs out there that we no long have the need to go underground with hankie codes and wink, wink. Every one talks of safety and safe words. There are list upon list of do’s and don’ts and how to’s that if they were all printed we would loose all of the rainforests.
I think I am missing. yes the old days of seedy adventure and fear. Searching through ad upon ad looking for key words such ” very strong minded or you need to be able to follow instructions “. The walking into a club and not knowing what you would walk out with all the excitement that you felt like a kid again at Christmas. Private parties and doors that opened and closed so quickly that you thought your ass was chopped off. The looks from those disgusting people that you hope would talk to you. Having some one walk up to you and tell you they wanted and off you went for a night of play with a stranger trusting that they had as much to loose as your did if they went too far but so wrapped up in the moment that the allure was too strong to say know.

Yes I know totally unsafe, I know all the dangers that we skirted the times it could have gone either way and the bruises and marks to show that we were not in a gentle lifestyle. I think I do miss excitement of fear that was always present yep missing the old days and the excitement of entering the unknown throwing caution to wind for the change of fulfillment of desire. So time for a coffee I guess and hopefully I will be ravaged by a postal women or a meter reader or maybe ……

Exercising

I have always been able to get up sports. Any type of competition actually I love to compete. However getting into shape by exercise rather then play myself into shape has always been a difficult for me. Any drudgery activity is like that for me. It is so easy when some one is cheering you on rather then the silence of a gym or a solitary work out.

The only motivating factor for me is when I am with a dominant. First of all is is set as a task and secondly they can make it so much more interesting eith when they are there or not. Th e idea of being in a body harness and having to go on the stationary bike for ten minutes can cause a lot of interesting sensation suck as the ropes pulling and pinching areas of the body. Having times set by yourself does not mean much if you do not make them however when you do not make them with a dominant involved usually means an unpleasant sensation of some form. These have always increased my ability to meet objectives when a dominant is around.

Perhaps they should open up a gym Dominants are us I am sure they could come up with all sorts of incentives toget into shape.Well guess I have wasted enought time got to get back to the exercising again oh what is that an email well guess I have to answer it might be importatnms it is in my junk mail folder but hey it could be imporatant couldn't it? Right!

Dommes can make sense.

After reading a few post and an exchange of emails I have found a Dominant that has the same concept of what a slave should be. The term has been confused with being s submissive. While both submit they are two different beings. I first stumble upon her frankly because of her eyes and when I read a post of hers about safe words. I cannot see a slave using a safe word yes for a submissive. A slave should be able to offer themselves fully to their owner not just the things they desire to happen. She has the belief the slave is there for her pleasure not theirs. I am quite sure that if we talked to a galley slave from old they did not shout red when the rowing became too much for them.

It was nice to read some one willing to take the responsibility for their slave and not push it off onto the slave shoulders to do so. Many time slaves are in no position to do this when they are in pain they might just be enjoying themselves too much to care. A dominant that does not require thought by a slave, nor inform them of what service they would provide but instead inform them that there is no saying (no, I can’t I do not want to) or any other negative statement to her request. What a pure pleasure it must be, to serve some one so in control of their desires.

I also realize that so many times I have sought this type of dominance yet never found it. I gave into those questions that first came out of Dominants mouths. What are your limits is one. Almost begging you to inform them what limits they must live by. Except for any one not legal to make decisions I had none when I started. Now depending on how dominant or experienced they are makes my list of hard limits an appropriate length. I unfortunately have brought my level of slavery down to a deplorable low. Another question would be what don’t you like well as the slave why should the dominants care what I like? Only one dominant couple ever told me tough to be you , suck it up and do it. But I had dumped on them a list of hard limits that at best gave them headaches just trying to keep up to it. Why did I do it because they let me consider ever fear possible instead of forcing me to trust them by saying no? Funny, how a word so small, is so important to the raising of children and the training of slaves.

I have always said I do not submit or give my submission to any one they must take it. How to do this? The strength of word, character and conviction that you can convey. The use of the word no. To do this you must know what you desire and have the confidence to carry it out with out the fear of disappointing the slave.

Now, I do apologize to those dominants that I have put down in the past or said they were lazy or not strong enough they might have just been living out their desires I could have said no thank you to them hoping to transform them into the evil dominant I seek but if that is not their desire I do not have a right to change them.


If I were such a perfect slave I would have never had safe words or hard limits. While I have gotten rid of my limits and safe word I do have limitations base on family and friends that any dominant worth their salt can see so if I can trust some one to tie me up I should be able to trust them to make decisions about things that were hard limits, if I can’t well once you are tied to a cross do you really have much say in the matter!

How can you know

A statement that sends chills down my spine for the wrong reasons. A few Dominants have said to me trying to be all knowing that they know exactly how to dominate me. I have post many different ways of doing so on my blogs and journals yet they seem to miss the point. Yes I like certain things and ways of doing them every one has their personal tastes in these matters. The emphasis I always try to put is on the evil mind and control part.

Evil mind usually means some one who can think past the idea that they have to be in control and that does not mean getting every idea from the slave. The term slave I always use to try and show that I am the captive the one that is told what to do. I do not know of a term that reflects what I desire more then slave if thee is one some one please let me know. There are tons of books and blogs out there giving enough ideas to last a life time even that would be preferably to having to provide the step by step plan.

SO I have come to the conclusion that I am a source for ideas for fantasies and the odd photo. SO I sit mystified at the idea of a slave being offered and the Dominant not knowing what they want in a slave. Why do they even indulge in the idea without knowing what they want ?

A idea of slavery

Slavery has many definitions. The one I like best is being compelled to do distasteful work or tasks for one that was not chosen by you but through capture or sale.

We all have the idea of perfect Dominants whether it is that beautiful Domme in tight leather that will sexually torment you for hours delivering every fantasy you ever had. It could be the black knight on white horse with long blond hair lashing your face as he has thrown you up on his horse and is taking off to be his sex slave.

Really though do those not evoke the sexual side too much. Is it not more humiliating to have to bow down to those you would be a bit more distasteful of? When slaves were captured they did not chose who their masters were. Since humiliation is in every slave relation to some degree then would it not be more humiliating to have to bend your knee to your rival rather than your lover. I think it would be whether male or female if you battled with them would it then be more embarrassing to have to say you are better than I .? Would the tasks take on a much more delicious nature or humiliation? Any task that had to be done in front of them or their friends would carry so much more weight in the idea of your slavery then a willing acceptance of slavery to one you desire?

I would answer yes to the above questions For me in my desire of ideal slavery if would be that I was taken or sold rather then negotiate and agree. Of course in this day and age with the pitfalls of such a relation quite evident this possibility must remain in fantasy only.

Nothing

I have to write this here as my other blogs seem just not to fit this weekend. I did nothing no hermit time , no new stories, no play or new challenges. Did not even have coffee with friends on Friday. Just a plain boring vanilla weekend. Even though On Friday night I was all alone they was no drive or feeling to do anything but watch hockey.

The idea of having slave rules sort of fun but a catalyst is missing. There is not the proper reason behind it I think. These rules give me stimulation and pleasure they were not written to give others such as a dominants control or the pleasure that a slave is fulfilling their desires. Just a guy doing the house work naked.

So this was a weekend off form my enforced slavery and a small walk on the dominant side just to clear my head a bit.I went on a few chats read some discussions but the most interesting thing around was what istruemene do you enjoy have your clit torture with . Interesting but did not capture me you could say. I even searched for outdoor bondage some thing that usually will provoke interest in me but nothing.

The amount of people in my house still plagues any attempt to extend my house slavery and will for some time. It is not like a dominant locking you in their house naked and telling you everything must sparkle grinning as they have shackled your legs and hands to provide a challenge. Every second and sound would have meaning them now well there is no demand no must be quicker feeling just well boredom. So maybe a few days off and we will see.

Serving

I sometimes wonder if being a person that likes to do things for others has predisposed me to having my submissive side being the dominant of the two. I enjoy facial expressions when some one has acknowledge some thing I have done for them and that certain feeling in side. It is very similar to when a dominants pats my bottom and says well done or verbal informs me that my conduct was good. I enjoy the attention of doing things for other people making them feel good.

I do not enjoy being with an owner or dominant that does not pay attention to what I do or offer them. Just like an unattended child or puppy I act up . Many have seen the bratty side and the answer to any brat is to find out what they was everyone to see what they have to offer. In my dominants side I also like to please but that is different it is complicated as you want the slave to achieve flight through their desires. SO service e of a service sub , pain for a pain slut and protocols for a protocol sub last but not least slavery for a slave.

As a slave it is easy to be rewarded for my efforts a touch , a word and yes a damn good session . As for dominant I gain it through the grimace on their face as they shudder through orgasm, or in the screams as I hit their G spot. Their forced thank you at the end of a session which is sometime so protocol driven that I doubt if the slave can remember doing it after coming down from their flight. You are sitting at the edge of disaster and with little acknowledgement as you teeter on disappointment for the slave or injury for them. They never know how close unless there is an accident and then they still ask for more. I know I have in the past. So lets hope that dominants do have that nasty evil personality that can say tough to be you and mean it otherwise they just might go insane.So next time I am with a dominant I just might lick an suck them off or rimm that ass a little better and with more effort and not a task to do badly so I get another beating, just to say thanks for giving me my desires for attention through what I need the spanking,whippings and humiliation Thanks for accepting my service because that fill a whole other desire.. well that is if the brat does not show up.