freedom not alawys a good thing

I can only speak for myself the freedom of being naked creates a great loneliness. Standing in the garage bungee cords attaching my nipple clamps to the garage door waiting for some one to pass on the street so I can quickly hide from their sight or the chance of discovery from those within used to bring a a wild feeling. Now today no one passed no one and no one is home it just reinforces the loneliness of not having some one to torment me.

While doing house work in the nude with the chance of someone coming home has had it’s affect also a cold absences of reason to slave when there is no one to slave for. I had once thought that being subservient to the vanillas that live with me with out their knowledge could give me some relief but when they do not know and do not take advantage of having a slave what is the point. No one is there to say do it again. No one to bring out the paddle or strap and redden one’s ass. The fantasy of having them bring their friends in to humiliate you in the position of slave serve those that once would serve me as the pecking order in vanilla life is different. The fantasy of embarrassment in front of those once called friends will never occur that is a hard fact.

At my age I wonder if I will find a dominant wishing to take me as a slave. I talk to many Dominants but it is all discussions rather then interviews for a position with them. I see now that the lack of a dominant in my life is a great draw back I ponder the idea of just removing my profiles and try to find happiness in the vanilla’s world sitting back and smiling not at the company but the sweet memories of slavery that I was able to have putting aside the desires that I still foster deep inside.

Just a quiet rant with myself one that I hope will pass quickly and quietly.

A drawback to training with out a dominant is non-completion of the feelings of slavery. Yes the frist day was fun. The pain the idea of hanging my nipples off the garage door where if some one looked they would see. So the chance of discovery intensified the situation it did not complete the act. It was unfinished.

At the munch, the start I was treated as a submissive but by the end of the evening I was left wanting a lot more. I had given very little service and conversation of vanilla nature drew me out of my submissive role and was just one of people talking about groceries. I did try to stimulate conversation in the direction of bdsm by asking questions of Sir and his feelings on certain areas of the lifestyle but it did seem as if we were the only ones talking about the lifestyle.

The weekend was full of vanilla times and today when I hung my nipples for training well they have toughen up , there was no chance sightings as there was no cars driving by. So a very boring start to the day and week for me.

Everyone is back home so the chances of anymore real traing or hermit time has gone or reduces to chance happenings. No one seems to need any naked slave work done. No new contacts over the weekend hmmm, could It all just be a fantasy? I guess and one day I will wake up knowing that my chance has passed me by that it is over I guess

a need to be re-trainned

So until I find a dominant or dominants I intend o try and be more submissive in my nature. Though being submissive to my mother in law was terribly humbling and greatly annoying to me I want to see if this was a fulfillment of desire or just a vacation from a more dominants personality.

So that means I am putting away my dominant side for the next two weeks. Well I will try to that is so as usual as I love giving others rules to live by I will do so for myself.

So first rule will be to be polite to every one along with not arguing with anyone. So no matter what I think of a dominant or another slave and vanillas I will be polite in my expression of ideas in discussions but will cede to their wisdom in discussion no matter what my view. I will, of course be happy to accept minor requests from them.

Beds will be made everyday by nine the kitchen and living room will be cleaned on Mondays and Wednesday the bathroom and bedroom on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

No swearing.
Proper words to be used only, no abbreviations nor slang in my spoken or written words.

I would sit back and list all sorts of rules with punishments but self-punishment seems to carry too much pleasure with it to be affective. So unless there is a good suggestion for other rules and or punishment from the World Wide Web I will just try to be mindful of etiquette and observant of others protocols.. As if I was the only student in a Victorian schoolhouse with thousands of teachers and even more rules. Two weeks could be an eternity.

The first thing is that while I could not be naked all the time I could wear very little so most of the time I wore only a towel. I was able to be very submissive without the knowledge of the vanillas I was with. I made their beds, made coffee and tea for them was extremely polite almost always did what they wanted to. Of course all the time hoping that my towel would fall and one of them would get the idea that I should remain like that as their naked servant for the rest of the trip that did not happen

Mount Tremblanc is sort of a party town so early in the mornings there was no one on the lake it was peaceful that was my reword as the vanillas would tell me that I did so much for them I should go out on the lake. I did find a lot of frustration in that my service was recognized for te wrong reason that I was being nice instead of being a slave and force to serve the dragon my mother in law.

I think the feeling of forced slavery did come out in me serving her it was not fun serving the old battle axe ther was no sexual feelings more of humiliation inside that I would serve one that I have come contempt for in past years. The feeling of humiliation that I gain in the service of a male Dom would come close to it but even more so as I gain some pleasure out of males I gained none from her. It was a lesson in what I enjoy and want.

Trying to serve two individuals that wanted different things was also bought out in me as a desire of mine. Though not extreme I can see the constant push and pull in two directions to be stimulating and demanding. While there was no corporal punishment there was a smile she got on her face almost saying she had won I was finally in my place.

It took me back to a time one night I was asked by a male Dom to be his houseboy at a private party he organize. He told me my rules that I would not be played with nor allowed to watch the play. I had to open the door and greet his guest I served drinks and when He and his partner and their friends went down stairs I was given the task to prepare the snack for after play and listen for one of the guest phones. It was a pleasurable evening of slavery.

I need a very strict and task oriented Master or mistress or both to gain pleasure far more based being in the army as a private where there are rules rigidly followed and everyone else is above me in the pecking order. Throw in cp, cbt, bondage and general torture and I am a happy slave.

The fantasy that I came away with is finding an English schoolteacher or teachers. That needs a naked servant /slave. Of course if they carried a yardstick, ruler, paddle or strap that would only intensify the situation especially if I had to write line on a black board, lol!

SO in keeping with my fantasy a challenge, if you find a spelling mistake or grammar mistake in the above post One day of no strings naked house work or house slavery for you. One day per mistake wiggle, wiggle as a friend would say. Oh the towel is optional should you not want to laugh too much. First five to respond with the mistakes .

Why

A questions put to me by some new friends why do I enjoy slaving for some one. The idea of being naked in a roomful of dressed people being treated as a nothing spanked and made fun should cause a disgust in most normal people should it not. Seeing some one whip another person should bring up all sorts of apprehension should it not.

Yet I so love being the center of attention showing off what little I have , acting subservient to some I would not consider my equal in achievements in vanilla life yet I rave so much for it. There acan be all sorts of reasons given, usually they say it has something to do with the childhoods of the slaves or Dominants yet after speaking to many noe really have the same experiences. The pressures of vanilla life or the position held in it again they are both slave and Dominants from the sames positions and status so that for me cannot explain the complex or simple way of like that the lifestyle is.

Our fantasies are made of complex ideas of being taken or taking yet we harp on consensually of the lifestyle.SO it is an individualistic thing for reason that will never be know to me I like cleaning a house naked under the scrutiny of a dominant with belt or paddle in hand. Like a good meal or drink perhaps it is better to enjoy the taste and not know why it taste that way I might find out that chocolate tastes like rhubarb yuck yuck yuck.

Going for a walk has always been a way to be alone. I guess a form of Hermit time you could say. It allows one to remove outside influences and concentrate on one's own thoughts. SO yesterday was just that a walk away from things.
The unfortunate thing is that you can go for a walk but I at least cannot walk away or truly escape if it is not for the vanilla interests then it is those of the lifestyle that draw upon me or worse those that do not investigate past their needs .

Just an ID sort of day.

It is complicated

When one uses the phrase "It's complicated" under relations ships one would think that it is not complicated to see that this person is not single at least to me. To me it means asked me and I will tell you about it or it means if you want single with no attachments or problems then best look at the next profile.

So I am worried now, dominants are supposed to be trusted with a slave's safety having total control over them right. Well do they read the same things slaves do more over do they read. Not one nor two as that just might be a random bit of bad luck nope five in the past three days. Yes they have contacted me with wonderful thoughts on slavery and if I was 18 I would now be working for the price of a airline ticket. At 28 I could have gone anywhere and started new no problem. Three males and two females have gone through the course of at least five emails without reading my profile past the part of my handle then they must have skipped down to the fun stuff. Fter the first email then I see the sane routine finding out what I like what I do then the schedule of of when I will be able to relocate. Frustrated I put a simple question polite but straight forward. " you do know I am attached?" Not bad that they selected me based solely on my picture and introduction but the anger that follows because they did not read past my handle. Worse that I am offering slavery to some one that does not understand the words I use or perhaps cannot read them because their other side is busy with their other hand and in case they read this that means you were pleasuring yourself. Yes I know Mornignstar I am not acting very slave like but really it I wanted this level of intelligence I would put the handle of the lead in my dogs mouth and the collar on my neck. I know at least he would lead with authority.

Now of course not all dominants of the five acted with anger two did not write back. Tow of the five were discussing my blog on being a toy some thing to be used with attachments hmm wonder why I would not want attachment hmm No wonder I am a switch and if one of those dominants are a switch two watch out for your ass my first task would be to give them five profiles and ten seconds t review each on every wrong answer ten strokes of the paddle hmm think that would be enough?