Prison or boot camp

SO what am I trying to do. Over the past year I have not been the slave i wished to be. I have challenged, topped from the bottom shamed dominants into so called action. I un-collared myself teased to the point of insult. I should have started this blog off wit Father it has been years since my last confession. I am not the slave I was once. Yes some of is my fault some of it my fault as a human being but al of my fault as a slave. When a slave assumes his ideas of the perfect Dominant can be attainable by any one. That is an assumption and it has made an ass out of him.
I am sure in Roman times I would not have walk up to my Master and said thanks but I am leaving now. I would have been hunted down and the least put in prison or on a slave ship. Dynamics of relationships have changed Had I been a brat as I have i the past year wit my first male master I would have been hauled up and punished by everyone in the club that night . I would not have walked home easily. As fir talking back well they did not use gags they used parts of their anatomy. my mouth would have been put to better use than talking.


Do I need closure no some I need to accept my wish to be a slave and not have choice of what type of Dominant i will accept to serve. A slave should be sold to a Dominant not give himself to one.


Now I can think of a hundred things to do with a slave over 168 hours of service and perhaps that is part of the problem I think too much as a slave. In my defense if you let an animal eat at the table they will start thinking they can bite the hand that feeds them. especially when the hand does not bite back. So what is the offer is will be either a prison sentence of 7 days for me or 168 hours of boot camp. Just thought as I will think on the details and once done it will be posted on dungeon times, collarme and alt. Hopefully you will have a proper slave writing here and not the brat that is in te future.

ay I or can i

I seemed to ask those questions a lot. May I serve you, can I help you , may I speak can I cum. I seemed to be asking permission to do what I like to do and I am just wondering why? I feel I am always seeking approval for being me. I guess I would feel ostracized if some one did not say it is okay to like being spanked or whipped. It is totally normal to enjoy the infliction of humiliation upon your self. I would look in the mirror and see a funny old naked man instead of an object used to please Dominants.

The bases of my submission is getting caught. My hermit time is all about that. My brattiest behavior is asking some one to notice me and that to me is being caught. Heaven forbid that in the past when i was younger said to me I had homosexual feelings . Yet a Male Dominant can use me as the wish . That is okay as He is a Master right?

Is this on l my thing or is it only a sub thing or is it part of the lifestyle? All the Dommes that used a strap on with me wanted me to ask to be fucked in the ass. Most of the Dominants nearing the end of a session wanted me to beg for more . One Male Dominant that was staunchly said he was not homosexual. with his dick rubbing my rear entrance saying beg for it little girl . Was he justifying that it was alright to sodomize me because I was a little girl?

Would seem to me a lowly slave that I try to give away the control of my self only to be confronted by those that need re-assurance from me that it is okay to do what i crave and they want. Sounds like some love sick vanillas sitting at a restaurant asking if the food was good , are you enjoying yourself, we could go some where else if you like, instead of enjoying the evening as it develops. And we think we are liberated and free thinkers . What happened to Dominants amuse themselves and slaves are abuse, where has all the pillaging gone the taking of slave for sex and toil?

Perhaps if we standardized maybe. Slaves with their menu of what they offer in hand and the Dominant then can could just check off what they would like. Hmmm! Yes two floggings a side order of bondage oh yes some cbt for dessert. Oops sorry that comes with hot wax no just not good for the digestion .

Okay my mind has just flushed and Tuesday approaches wit hermit time and possibility of getting caught perhaps a challenge to stimulate those Dominants on Alt perhaps a dis claimer at the beginning saying No Permission required slave loves to be spanked , humiliated and abused" oops forgot I do not thing All Dominants read it is just easier for them to ask permission before they do things. Hmmm so who is suppose to say May I or can I?

Ones that linger

The first insight for me came from a Red haired fifth grade teacher of mine. SHe stood 5 foot 5. I would say about 140 pounds of pure evil as most would remember their teachers. She carried a 16 inch wood ruler with hockey tape on the end of it. When she spoke it was like she was calculating how she could get you into trouble . Anal and a nit picker. I had fantasies about her till now. I still hear her voice Mr drake what are you doing was a favorite expression of hers. Miss Gerard had green eyes and the temper of a red head. She cause me to think of pain and humiliation s as rewards for being me. If I heard her voice today or some one like her I would freeze in my tracks and check to see if my uniform was right. I later enjoyed her company as a Domme when I was 20 and would say she is the one that started me on the path.

I thought only she would have that affect on me but I would have to say they are others that I get that funny feeling in my stomach when I think of them. Ones that wold give a command in the sweetest of voice right now and i would obey. Personal strength , presentation , self control, or and evil smile I do not know what it is but they still hold my submission in their hands. One recently said that in pictures a hairy ass does not look good, not a command nor even a request. Just a statement of hers a thought and today I sit on a smooth ass. I have not a photo planned in the planned future, I am not meeting any one new, just because I want to hear that is better. Unfortunately , I see most Dominants as teachers and so when they have been able to get my attention they seldom loose it.

So I guess I will be sitting on a hairless ass for a while!

Orgasm of a slave, pleasure or humiliation

There is the image of a slave dangling from chains legs apart as her Master works his magic on her clit. The wild bucking of the female form as at first she tries to resists then she succumbs to pleasure forced on her. Finely the explosion of pleasure. The release in front of all showing her enjoyment. Funny that the male slaves for the same thing yet has so many obstacles. Females have all sorts of devices that can force her into enjoyment. Vibrators, dildos, strap ons, Master' s fingers and of course his cock.

Males orgasm well it is denied a bit for one it will always be a messy thing. If you cover it well the Dominant must do it at the last second or have the area encased at the start . This of course takes away a play thing for the Dominant. After the mess well you have performance issues. ED has a great affect on the male 's performance in masturbation scenes. Turning them in to some what of a humiliation and enjoyment for the males slave.

The body still feels the need caused by the excitement of the scene. The penis does not do so well . A hard rock that used to take a firm grip and a good deal of work to reach orgasm now takes a few fingers to squirt. More like milking a cow then masturbation of a male. At least if there was the explosion of cum but after a few years and low use of the organ you start firing blanks. SO the body shakes as it approaches the control is lost and for the big moment that will give you a few seconds of satisfaction before you hear the smirking of the Dominants and other slaves, you drip. Yes drip a single droplet of not cum but milky water you could say. The body has felt the release , the id has felt the release the penis has felt a drip. Doing this in front of the mirror is humiliating doing this in front of a few Dominants is worse. First the Males in the room smirk as they can perform so much better so in your own sex you are belittled. In front of females younger than your self you are laughed at and made a mockery of . Then there is the old female dominant, Who will smile at you take a huge bath towel to clean up your drip with . Rubbing vigorously all over you bod. The rooms know she is shaming you for your lack of milk production. . Realizing that all are focus on your small penis , all that effort was done for a drip and your humiliation. The room has had a topic of discussion at the least or feel empowered by your exposure of what most would hide from all. Mocking you are told that you did good almost as much as last time from your Dominant. These words said to humiliate give the first sign of value to you as you have the interest of your dominant. The Dominants' hand caresses then a playful slaps to you butt guides you to sit at their feet. A hand caresses your neck as if you were a prized dog being reworded for past service.

Then the word good boy comes showing how much you are prized show how great your worth is to them . Simple words, but their weight to you is far more then the gold and riches that most seek in our world. SO simple to please a male slave,

Hard limits

Exactly when did I get hard limits. I did not have any when I started. i knew only the word yes followed by a Sir or Miss. Yet over the years I suddenly have hard limits. I have heard horror stories of those that did not and paid for it during a session but I have been blessed that I have not had bad experiences of that nature at least to the point tha I could not walk away.

I have always had fantasies of slavery or being a captive since the age of 9 or 10. In those fantasies I never remember saying I do not like to do tht I would just be forced to. My fear at that age was to be in girls dresses later of course it went to being naked in front of people to being abused . Fun fantasies at the time I guess that could have been my hard limits yet now I have done all of that and they were all fun.

When I was younger there was not a lot of emphasis put on safety at least in my mind. Something pushed into my ass hurt , being spanked or hit with a belt hurt but the reward of a young women caressing gmy penis and balls was worth it. Penetration by a male hurt then was orgasmic to have some one up my ass. I enjoyed not having a choice I never thought of trust I thought of wild fun forced to so all the things that I never spoke of.

I looked at my hard limits and realize I have never tried most of them. I do remember showing up at an apartment in the seventies stripping and walking into a party . As a slave i was open to any one requests. I remember coming home with bruises a sore rectum and being totally drained for days. All those people had was common sense no lists of what I wanted or would not do. SO where did I get the hard limits from.

I think the worry of others is part to blame, news report of monsters that lurk in the shadows and now the internet has part also and age might have a good deal too. Mind fucks is another and I will blog on that another day . With checklist and protocols listed every where on how you should meet or talk the verification with some one who nows some one who knows them. Just makes you head spin.

SO I think the hard limit list will be few in nature and the and a list of titled " I would like to talk about this before you have me tied up on a slab" will appear.

2008

I will rethink what I want in a Dominant. I will also rethink what I will offer at least at first to Dominants. I will give bits of me to them as we progress yes sort of rewards to them as they reward my behavior. A very active Dominant as well as one that keeps vanilla out of th relationship Would be two traits that top my list of what I need in a Dominant. I will think on this and come backe with my ideal dominants profile later.