I can only speak for myself the freedom of being naked creates a great loneliness. Standing in the garage bungee cords attaching my nipple clamps to the garage door waiting for some one to pass on the street so I can quickly hide from their sight or the chance of discovery from those within used to bring a a wild feeling. Now today no one passed no one and no one is home it just reinforces the loneliness of not having some one to torment me.
While doing house work in the nude with the chance of someone coming home has had it’s affect also a cold absences of reason to slave when there is no one to slave for. I had once thought that being subservient to the vanillas that live with me with out their knowledge could give me some relief but when they do not know and do not take advantage of having a slave what is the point. No one is there to say do it again. No one to bring out the paddle or strap and redden one’s ass. The fantasy of having them bring their friends in to humiliate you in the position of slave serve those that once would serve me as the pecking order in vanilla life is different. The fantasy of embarrassment in front of those once called friends will never occur that is a hard fact.
At my age I wonder if I will find a dominant wishing to take me as a slave. I talk to many Dominants but it is all discussions rather then interviews for a position with them. I see now that the lack of a dominant in my life is a great draw back I ponder the idea of just removing my profiles and try to find happiness in the vanilla’s world sitting back and smiling not at the company but the sweet memories of slavery that I was able to have putting aside the desires that I still foster deep inside.
Just a quiet rant with myself one that I hope will pass quickly and quietly.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
A drawback to training with out a dominant is non-completion of the feelings of slavery. Yes the frist day was fun. The pain the idea of hanging my nipples off the garage door where if some one looked they would see. So the chance of discovery intensified the situation it did not complete the act. It was unfinished.
At the munch, the start I was treated as a submissive but by the end of the evening I was left wanting a lot more. I had given very little service and conversation of vanilla nature drew me out of my submissive role and was just one of people talking about groceries. I did try to stimulate conversation in the direction of bdsm by asking questions of Sir and his feelings on certain areas of the lifestyle but it did seem as if we were the only ones talking about the lifestyle.
The weekend was full of vanilla times and today when I hung my nipples for training well they have toughen up , there was no chance sightings as there was no cars driving by. So a very boring start to the day and week for me.
Everyone is back home so the chances of anymore real traing or hermit time has gone or reduces to chance happenings. No one seems to need any naked slave work done. No new contacts over the weekend hmmm, could It all just be a fantasy? I guess and one day I will wake up knowing that my chance has passed me by that it is over I guess
At the munch, the start I was treated as a submissive but by the end of the evening I was left wanting a lot more. I had given very little service and conversation of vanilla nature drew me out of my submissive role and was just one of people talking about groceries. I did try to stimulate conversation in the direction of bdsm by asking questions of Sir and his feelings on certain areas of the lifestyle but it did seem as if we were the only ones talking about the lifestyle.
The weekend was full of vanilla times and today when I hung my nipples for training well they have toughen up , there was no chance sightings as there was no cars driving by. So a very boring start to the day and week for me.
Everyone is back home so the chances of anymore real traing or hermit time has gone or reduces to chance happenings. No one seems to need any naked slave work done. No new contacts over the weekend hmmm, could It all just be a fantasy? I guess and one day I will wake up knowing that my chance has passed me by that it is over I guess
Monday, August 17, 2009
a need to be re-trainned
So until I find a dominant or dominants I intend o try and be more submissive in my nature. Though being submissive to my mother in law was terribly humbling and greatly annoying to me I want to see if this was a fulfillment of desire or just a vacation from a more dominants personality.
So that means I am putting away my dominant side for the next two weeks. Well I will try to that is so as usual as I love giving others rules to live by I will do so for myself.
So first rule will be to be polite to every one along with not arguing with anyone. So no matter what I think of a dominant or another slave and vanillas I will be polite in my expression of ideas in discussions but will cede to their wisdom in discussion no matter what my view. I will, of course be happy to accept minor requests from them.
Beds will be made everyday by nine the kitchen and living room will be cleaned on Mondays and Wednesday the bathroom and bedroom on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
No swearing.
Proper words to be used only, no abbreviations nor slang in my spoken or written words.
I would sit back and list all sorts of rules with punishments but self-punishment seems to carry too much pleasure with it to be affective. So unless there is a good suggestion for other rules and or punishment from the World Wide Web I will just try to be mindful of etiquette and observant of others protocols.. As if I was the only student in a Victorian schoolhouse with thousands of teachers and even more rules. Two weeks could be an eternity.
So that means I am putting away my dominant side for the next two weeks. Well I will try to that is so as usual as I love giving others rules to live by I will do so for myself.
So first rule will be to be polite to every one along with not arguing with anyone. So no matter what I think of a dominant or another slave and vanillas I will be polite in my expression of ideas in discussions but will cede to their wisdom in discussion no matter what my view. I will, of course be happy to accept minor requests from them.
Beds will be made everyday by nine the kitchen and living room will be cleaned on Mondays and Wednesday the bathroom and bedroom on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
No swearing.
Proper words to be used only, no abbreviations nor slang in my spoken or written words.
I would sit back and list all sorts of rules with punishments but self-punishment seems to carry too much pleasure with it to be affective. So unless there is a good suggestion for other rules and or punishment from the World Wide Web I will just try to be mindful of etiquette and observant of others protocols.. As if I was the only student in a Victorian schoolhouse with thousands of teachers and even more rules. Two weeks could be an eternity.
The first thing is that while I could not be naked all the time I could wear very little so most of the time I wore only a towel. I was able to be very submissive without the knowledge of the vanillas I was with. I made their beds, made coffee and tea for them was extremely polite almost always did what they wanted to. Of course all the time hoping that my towel would fall and one of them would get the idea that I should remain like that as their naked servant for the rest of the trip that did not happen
Mount Tremblanc is sort of a party town so early in the mornings there was no one on the lake it was peaceful that was my reword as the vanillas would tell me that I did so much for them I should go out on the lake. I did find a lot of frustration in that my service was recognized for te wrong reason that I was being nice instead of being a slave and force to serve the dragon my mother in law.
I think the feeling of forced slavery did come out in me serving her it was not fun serving the old battle axe ther was no sexual feelings more of humiliation inside that I would serve one that I have come contempt for in past years. The feeling of humiliation that I gain in the service of a male Dom would come close to it but even more so as I gain some pleasure out of males I gained none from her. It was a lesson in what I enjoy and want.
Trying to serve two individuals that wanted different things was also bought out in me as a desire of mine. Though not extreme I can see the constant push and pull in two directions to be stimulating and demanding. While there was no corporal punishment there was a smile she got on her face almost saying she had won I was finally in my place.
It took me back to a time one night I was asked by a male Dom to be his houseboy at a private party he organize. He told me my rules that I would not be played with nor allowed to watch the play. I had to open the door and greet his guest I served drinks and when He and his partner and their friends went down stairs I was given the task to prepare the snack for after play and listen for one of the guest phones. It was a pleasurable evening of slavery.
I need a very strict and task oriented Master or mistress or both to gain pleasure far more based being in the army as a private where there are rules rigidly followed and everyone else is above me in the pecking order. Throw in cp, cbt, bondage and general torture and I am a happy slave.
The fantasy that I came away with is finding an English schoolteacher or teachers. That needs a naked servant /slave. Of course if they carried a yardstick, ruler, paddle or strap that would only intensify the situation especially if I had to write line on a black board, lol!
SO in keeping with my fantasy a challenge, if you find a spelling mistake or grammar mistake in the above post One day of no strings naked house work or house slavery for you. One day per mistake wiggle, wiggle as a friend would say. Oh the towel is optional should you not want to laugh too much. First five to respond with the mistakes .
Mount Tremblanc is sort of a party town so early in the mornings there was no one on the lake it was peaceful that was my reword as the vanillas would tell me that I did so much for them I should go out on the lake. I did find a lot of frustration in that my service was recognized for te wrong reason that I was being nice instead of being a slave and force to serve the dragon my mother in law.
I think the feeling of forced slavery did come out in me serving her it was not fun serving the old battle axe ther was no sexual feelings more of humiliation inside that I would serve one that I have come contempt for in past years. The feeling of humiliation that I gain in the service of a male Dom would come close to it but even more so as I gain some pleasure out of males I gained none from her. It was a lesson in what I enjoy and want.
Trying to serve two individuals that wanted different things was also bought out in me as a desire of mine. Though not extreme I can see the constant push and pull in two directions to be stimulating and demanding. While there was no corporal punishment there was a smile she got on her face almost saying she had won I was finally in my place.
It took me back to a time one night I was asked by a male Dom to be his houseboy at a private party he organize. He told me my rules that I would not be played with nor allowed to watch the play. I had to open the door and greet his guest I served drinks and when He and his partner and their friends went down stairs I was given the task to prepare the snack for after play and listen for one of the guest phones. It was a pleasurable evening of slavery.
I need a very strict and task oriented Master or mistress or both to gain pleasure far more based being in the army as a private where there are rules rigidly followed and everyone else is above me in the pecking order. Throw in cp, cbt, bondage and general torture and I am a happy slave.
The fantasy that I came away with is finding an English schoolteacher or teachers. That needs a naked servant /slave. Of course if they carried a yardstick, ruler, paddle or strap that would only intensify the situation especially if I had to write line on a black board, lol!
SO in keeping with my fantasy a challenge, if you find a spelling mistake or grammar mistake in the above post One day of no strings naked house work or house slavery for you. One day per mistake wiggle, wiggle as a friend would say. Oh the towel is optional should you not want to laugh too much. First five to respond with the mistakes .
Friday, August 7, 2009
Why
A questions put to me by some new friends why do I enjoy slaving for some one. The idea of being naked in a roomful of dressed people being treated as a nothing spanked and made fun should cause a disgust in most normal people should it not. Seeing some one whip another person should bring up all sorts of apprehension should it not.
Yet I so love being the center of attention showing off what little I have , acting subservient to some I would not consider my equal in achievements in vanilla life yet I rave so much for it. There acan be all sorts of reasons given, usually they say it has something to do with the childhoods of the slaves or Dominants yet after speaking to many noe really have the same experiences. The pressures of vanilla life or the position held in it again they are both slave and Dominants from the sames positions and status so that for me cannot explain the complex or simple way of like that the lifestyle is.
Our fantasies are made of complex ideas of being taken or taking yet we harp on consensually of the lifestyle.SO it is an individualistic thing for reason that will never be know to me I like cleaning a house naked under the scrutiny of a dominant with belt or paddle in hand. Like a good meal or drink perhaps it is better to enjoy the taste and not know why it taste that way I might find out that chocolate tastes like rhubarb yuck yuck yuck.
Yet I so love being the center of attention showing off what little I have , acting subservient to some I would not consider my equal in achievements in vanilla life yet I rave so much for it. There acan be all sorts of reasons given, usually they say it has something to do with the childhoods of the slaves or Dominants yet after speaking to many noe really have the same experiences. The pressures of vanilla life or the position held in it again they are both slave and Dominants from the sames positions and status so that for me cannot explain the complex or simple way of like that the lifestyle is.
Our fantasies are made of complex ideas of being taken or taking yet we harp on consensually of the lifestyle.SO it is an individualistic thing for reason that will never be know to me I like cleaning a house naked under the scrutiny of a dominant with belt or paddle in hand. Like a good meal or drink perhaps it is better to enjoy the taste and not know why it taste that way I might find out that chocolate tastes like rhubarb yuck yuck yuck.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Going for a walk has always been a way to be alone. I guess a form of Hermit time you could say. It allows one to remove outside influences and concentrate on one's own thoughts. SO yesterday was just that a walk away from things.
The unfortunate thing is that you can go for a walk but I at least cannot walk away or truly escape if it is not for the vanilla interests then it is those of the lifestyle that draw upon me or worse those that do not investigate past their needs .
Just an ID sort of day.
The unfortunate thing is that you can go for a walk but I at least cannot walk away or truly escape if it is not for the vanilla interests then it is those of the lifestyle that draw upon me or worse those that do not investigate past their needs .
Just an ID sort of day.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It is complicated
When one uses the phrase "It's complicated" under relations ships one would think that it is not complicated to see that this person is not single at least to me. To me it means asked me and I will tell you about it or it means if you want single with no attachments or problems then best look at the next profile.
So I am worried now, dominants are supposed to be trusted with a slave's safety having total control over them right. Well do they read the same things slaves do more over do they read. Not one nor two as that just might be a random bit of bad luck nope five in the past three days. Yes they have contacted me with wonderful thoughts on slavery and if I was 18 I would now be working for the price of a airline ticket. At 28 I could have gone anywhere and started new no problem. Three males and two females have gone through the course of at least five emails without reading my profile past the part of my handle then they must have skipped down to the fun stuff. Fter the first email then I see the sane routine finding out what I like what I do then the schedule of of when I will be able to relocate. Frustrated I put a simple question polite but straight forward. " you do know I am attached?" Not bad that they selected me based solely on my picture and introduction but the anger that follows because they did not read past my handle. Worse that I am offering slavery to some one that does not understand the words I use or perhaps cannot read them because their other side is busy with their other hand and in case they read this that means you were pleasuring yourself. Yes I know Mornignstar I am not acting very slave like but really it I wanted this level of intelligence I would put the handle of the lead in my dogs mouth and the collar on my neck. I know at least he would lead with authority.
Now of course not all dominants of the five acted with anger two did not write back. Tow of the five were discussing my blog on being a toy some thing to be used with attachments hmm wonder why I would not want attachment hmm No wonder I am a switch and if one of those dominants are a switch two watch out for your ass my first task would be to give them five profiles and ten seconds t review each on every wrong answer ten strokes of the paddle hmm think that would be enough?
So I am worried now, dominants are supposed to be trusted with a slave's safety having total control over them right. Well do they read the same things slaves do more over do they read. Not one nor two as that just might be a random bit of bad luck nope five in the past three days. Yes they have contacted me with wonderful thoughts on slavery and if I was 18 I would now be working for the price of a airline ticket. At 28 I could have gone anywhere and started new no problem. Three males and two females have gone through the course of at least five emails without reading my profile past the part of my handle then they must have skipped down to the fun stuff. Fter the first email then I see the sane routine finding out what I like what I do then the schedule of of when I will be able to relocate. Frustrated I put a simple question polite but straight forward. " you do know I am attached?" Not bad that they selected me based solely on my picture and introduction but the anger that follows because they did not read past my handle. Worse that I am offering slavery to some one that does not understand the words I use or perhaps cannot read them because their other side is busy with their other hand and in case they read this that means you were pleasuring yourself. Yes I know Mornignstar I am not acting very slave like but really it I wanted this level of intelligence I would put the handle of the lead in my dogs mouth and the collar on my neck. I know at least he would lead with authority.
Now of course not all dominants of the five acted with anger two did not write back. Tow of the five were discussing my blog on being a toy some thing to be used with attachments hmm wonder why I would not want attachment hmm No wonder I am a switch and if one of those dominants are a switch two watch out for your ass my first task would be to give them five profiles and ten seconds t review each on every wrong answer ten strokes of the paddle hmm think that would be enough?
Saturday, July 18, 2009
When and what were your first recollections of BDSM thoughts?
When well let me clear the cobwebs off of the history book. I was 9 yes a tender age when I saw and episode of the rifleman. Mark a nine year old was kidnapped by ruffians. I think I felt fear the fear that he showed on the TV. I started to daydream about how it would feel to be helpless due to fear frozen in place like a fawn waiting for a bear to pass. Then what I consider worse was what if people that you did not like or they did not like you were in control of you. What is the worse thing a nine year old can thing of having happen? Well for me it was being dressed as a girl. What an embarrassment, to be like that in front of those most disliked. What came next well what if every one saw me like that all my friends? I think that was the first time in a daydream I experience being laughed at and enjoying it.
Then a dream to enforce it all yes the dream about suddenly being at school naked. One never knows how one gets to school in this state but there I was naked in the school’s hallways not knowing where to hide when the bell goes off and the halls are filled with students. The age of 11 proved to be an awakening as I had a teacher Miss Gerard with red hair and a temperament to match. Then my fantasies were upgraded, as he favourite thing was a 16” ruler that she used in the education of boys. I had the wildest daydreams sitting in her class as a child I was never hit but my daydreams had me naked in front of the class for some discretion then at the end of the day bent over the desk and she applied education to my ass. Never having felt a spanking in my like but seeing many others I felt as if I was missing some thing I guess. This is also when I had fantasies of being in the control of class mates that is when my dreams went from being tied up to having only panties to were then being naked in front of my captors or bullies. These daydreams were the start of my desire to slave I think! They contained tasks to do punishments for not doing them a lot of humiliation and corporal punishment.
I will flip the page of my history book next time for later years.
Then a dream to enforce it all yes the dream about suddenly being at school naked. One never knows how one gets to school in this state but there I was naked in the school’s hallways not knowing where to hide when the bell goes off and the halls are filled with students. The age of 11 proved to be an awakening as I had a teacher Miss Gerard with red hair and a temperament to match. Then my fantasies were upgraded, as he favourite thing was a 16” ruler that she used in the education of boys. I had the wildest daydreams sitting in her class as a child I was never hit but my daydreams had me naked in front of the class for some discretion then at the end of the day bent over the desk and she applied education to my ass. Never having felt a spanking in my like but seeing many others I felt as if I was missing some thing I guess. This is also when I had fantasies of being in the control of class mates that is when my dreams went from being tied up to having only panties to were then being naked in front of my captors or bullies. These daydreams were the start of my desire to slave I think! They contained tasks to do punishments for not doing them a lot of humiliation and corporal punishment.
I will flip the page of my history book next time for later years.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Different feelings of Humiliation
I have always thought that having to serve someone you do not want to takes a lot more submission then if you did like him or her.
Those disgusting bullies that pushed your face in the snow and out of fear you did what they wanted now you would have to admit to them that it is not fear but wish to submit to their disgusting treatment. The idea that they were better not because they were but because you wanted it that way you put them on high to be worshipped would that be more humiliating?
Would some one you like being offered your submission be more? The beautiful woman you have adored laughing as she took hold of your leash the now naked slave once her pride to be an toy for her pleasures.
Or would it be the buddy you have been friends with for years. And now you kneel with a red ass from his hand sucking his cock as he is smiling thinking of all the other ways he can belittle a former equal would that carry more Humiliation?
Those disgusting bullies that pushed your face in the snow and out of fear you did what they wanted now you would have to admit to them that it is not fear but wish to submit to their disgusting treatment. The idea that they were better not because they were but because you wanted it that way you put them on high to be worshipped would that be more humiliating?
Would some one you like being offered your submission be more? The beautiful woman you have adored laughing as she took hold of your leash the now naked slave once her pride to be an toy for her pleasures.
Or would it be the buddy you have been friends with for years. And now you kneel with a red ass from his hand sucking his cock as he is smiling thinking of all the other ways he can belittle a former equal would that carry more Humiliation?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Is humiliation always part of slavery.
A slave to me has always carried a stigma of humiliation to it. To me it means tht they lost a battle or war. They were into strong enough to defend themselves against raiders or too week in power and were sold off by their own people. So humiliation through not be strong enough to win they are the losers. They could also be the victims of bullies. Little one brought up a point though what of those born into slavery and I speak only of historically/ Well quite true they did not loose but their parents must have and they are not willing to break out or revolt they are content to be lesser then their owners so there lies the humiliation to me. Much like those that do not stand up to bullies out of fear well that is their humiliation .
So still a firm believer that humiliation is part and parce of the slavery gig.
So still a firm believer that humiliation is part and parce of the slavery gig.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Fear and the enjoyment of it.
I have come to the conclusion that I enjoy all sorts of fear . I was on Male submissive art and saw a naked man hand cuffed with a woman pressing into his body with hers holding a gun. Suggesting to me that the male was forced into this position.
A particular fear is one of being caught. Where what ever I have done creates an opportunity to be blackmailed. Perhaps it is a way of not admitting to my desires those that I wish to submit but rather portraying them as I have to or my secret is out. What secret who knows, as I am pretty liberal and not much affect me at least that I show. In my early days I offered challenges, played strip poked or had races only to deliberately try to loose. I would make elaborate boasts or wild bets in the hopes those I played with would take me up on them. Some did some did not but during the game the fear caused excitement of such strength.
I think it is the want of humiliation, the enjoyment of pain and the titillation of fear tht has kept me in the lifestyle. I am still looking for my bully the one that caused my capture then has control on all my actions. It is they who cause the crowds to laugh at my expense. Yes I know some in the lifestyle will say you should just be able to ask your dominant for a session and not have to get in trouble to get one. Quite true! But what if you enjoy running your fingers on the tiger’s cage should you not asked then to be chased if that is what you look for? AN old game I have played is called CCS. Chase catch and strip I would never be the first caught , I would tease and tantalize those chasing until I was the last one on my team the I would stumble. The last one was always treated the nastiest, I so enjoyed that.
A particular fear is one of being caught. Where what ever I have done creates an opportunity to be blackmailed. Perhaps it is a way of not admitting to my desires those that I wish to submit but rather portraying them as I have to or my secret is out. What secret who knows, as I am pretty liberal and not much affect me at least that I show. In my early days I offered challenges, played strip poked or had races only to deliberately try to loose. I would make elaborate boasts or wild bets in the hopes those I played with would take me up on them. Some did some did not but during the game the fear caused excitement of such strength.
I think it is the want of humiliation, the enjoyment of pain and the titillation of fear tht has kept me in the lifestyle. I am still looking for my bully the one that caused my capture then has control on all my actions. It is they who cause the crowds to laugh at my expense. Yes I know some in the lifestyle will say you should just be able to ask your dominant for a session and not have to get in trouble to get one. Quite true! But what if you enjoy running your fingers on the tiger’s cage should you not asked then to be chased if that is what you look for? AN old game I have played is called CCS. Chase catch and strip I would never be the first caught , I would tease and tantalize those chasing until I was the last one on my team the I would stumble. The last one was always treated the nastiest, I so enjoyed that.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Revenge or wish for submission
I am off to see an old slave turned vanilla for a coffee this morning. I have to say during this period of time in my life I am having wonderfully submissive feelings spurred on by fantasies of having to be a slave to one of my ex slaves.
I would also say that my most submissive feelings have come from being in a submissive position with other slaves. Funny that the two times I have feel the most slave like and humiliated has been serving a submissive friend of mine and the other a former slave. Though I do not expect anything from today other then vanilla conversation the idea is very powerful. I guess it is just the time of my life and the submissive phase I am going through but wild thoughts abound.
I would also say that my most submissive feelings have come from being in a submissive position with other slaves. Funny that the two times I have feel the most slave like and humiliated has been serving a submissive friend of mine and the other a former slave. Though I do not expect anything from today other then vanilla conversation the idea is very powerful. I guess it is just the time of my life and the submissive phase I am going through but wild thoughts abound.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
what slaves will do to amuse themselves
So many times in the past I have taken Hermit time in my garage. I used to get away from vanilla life, which is what Hermit time is all about. I have offer challenges and free work I have posted when I would be in Hermit time almost daring anyone who read it to come over and catch me. Better send some one to my door and see if I would answer the door naked. Sadly while itn effort and intentions were good on my part the results were dismal. One of the few that actively participated in the challenges was a friend who is a submissive. Seems that the Dominants at the time who read Hermit time did so in passing or were unimpressed with the prize.So I have refrained from the challenges and have gone back to hermit time in the garage.
In the past I would insert a butt plug .put on nipple clamps attached to a chain. The chain I hooked on to a nail on the top part of the garage door. And of course a chain collar. The chain attached to the garage door forced my face, neck and shoulders to be visible to passer bys on the street. So when a car or people would pass I had to duck or twist backwards giving a delicious torture to my nipples. If anything popped out or fell off I had to repeat the time I was to spend.
Of course I upgraded to wearing hand cuffs that would not easily allow me to unhook the chain should some one approach. Then I went wild one day using the runners for the door to attach chains to for my wrists. The only way I could get out of them was to work them slowly off the end of the runner. All lots of fun as they increased my excitement and took the boredom out of the day. Then if it was a good day I could work in the house naked and my house would sparkle. Now not enough of that happens and I would have to say I missed it.
So any one gat a garage I can hang around in or perhaps some nasty cleaning they need a naked slave for? lol
In the past I would insert a butt plug .put on nipple clamps attached to a chain. The chain I hooked on to a nail on the top part of the garage door. And of course a chain collar. The chain attached to the garage door forced my face, neck and shoulders to be visible to passer bys on the street. So when a car or people would pass I had to duck or twist backwards giving a delicious torture to my nipples. If anything popped out or fell off I had to repeat the time I was to spend.
Of course I upgraded to wearing hand cuffs that would not easily allow me to unhook the chain should some one approach. Then I went wild one day using the runners for the door to attach chains to for my wrists. The only way I could get out of them was to work them slowly off the end of the runner. All lots of fun as they increased my excitement and took the boredom out of the day. Then if it was a good day I could work in the house naked and my house would sparkle. Now not enough of that happens and I would have to say I missed it.
So any one gat a garage I can hang around in or perhaps some nasty cleaning they need a naked slave for? lol
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
A pondering
When sitting around with a butt plug in you tend to ponder a howle lot on meanings.
Pure slavery.
A term use by an acquaintance of mine to describe some thing she wishes to try. Since hearing the term I have fantasized about what it could mean to her. As words can always be interpreted in at least two understandings and usually many more I have given a lot of thought to it’s meaning.
Now slap me if I am wrong but I do believe that it is or carries the meaning of what I have been looking for. No small talk about the price of gas or what we did last summer. No limits put forth by the slave or toy no ideas, demands or listings of what the slave likes to do just compliances to the dominants wishes and their desires.
No control by the slave at all, service, punishment , play is up to the dominant including dismissal for poor behaviour. I guess the only question is whether the slave or the Dominant can remain in their desired states with out a lapse or break.
I would guess length of time would have something to do with it. I have been to a camp but would have to say I was in and our of roles the dominants was not as strong as Ineeded or had wished for so that would be a concern for me but might make me concentrate a lot more on the dominants rather then what I felt I was missing.
Pure slavery.
A term use by an acquaintance of mine to describe some thing she wishes to try. Since hearing the term I have fantasized about what it could mean to her. As words can always be interpreted in at least two understandings and usually many more I have given a lot of thought to it’s meaning.
Now slap me if I am wrong but I do believe that it is or carries the meaning of what I have been looking for. No small talk about the price of gas or what we did last summer. No limits put forth by the slave or toy no ideas, demands or listings of what the slave likes to do just compliances to the dominants wishes and their desires.
No control by the slave at all, service, punishment , play is up to the dominant including dismissal for poor behaviour. I guess the only question is whether the slave or the Dominant can remain in their desired states with out a lapse or break.
I would guess length of time would have something to do with it. I have been to a camp but would have to say I was in and our of roles the dominants was not as strong as Ineeded or had wished for so that would be a concern for me but might make me concentrate a lot more on the dominants rather then what I felt I was missing.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thoughts on being a toy
Thoughts on being a toy.
I would have to say that the idea of being a toy satisfies me on several fronts. The first interests for me had always been the unknown. A true slave never had the choice of which owner they wanted that to me is a bit alluring. For me it brings the idea of serving, lack of control and humiliation to a high point. What if I do not like the person think there are beneath me? What better a humiliation to be forced to serve them? Would I relish in the humiliation of it or count the minutes before it is over.
Abuse would be another as I might be a toy with a desired used it might not be the use the toy wielded wish. So for a short period of time I would have no control on how I was used. No one wondering if I was happy just some one making sure they were happy. Lack of control ties into this I would not have any reason to give scenarios or tell them what to do. That would be wild, as I love the unknown. I love the challenge of doing something I have not a clue about or involved in plans I do not know. I cold be traded, lent and I would have no say in the matter. A toy has no emotion ties for an owner. An owner might have a favourite toy but no toy has a favourite owner.
Yes I know I am describing a slave. I have in the past used the title of slave perhaps even abused it. Most of my past dominants have not understood my desires and I think have not used me to the fullest of their desires negating the possibility of reaching mine.
The label of toy, yes I know we do not like labels but really without them it might take years to describe what I am so it is nice to have a starting point a common ground or understanding. Unfortunately, the word slave and it’s meaning seems to be convoluted now, I would have used a hankie code but I do not know of one that describes me that well so that is why I will use the label toy along with my thoughts on being a toy I hope more will understand or at least promote discussion on what I can provide and what I need.
I would have to say that the idea of being a toy satisfies me on several fronts. The first interests for me had always been the unknown. A true slave never had the choice of which owner they wanted that to me is a bit alluring. For me it brings the idea of serving, lack of control and humiliation to a high point. What if I do not like the person think there are beneath me? What better a humiliation to be forced to serve them? Would I relish in the humiliation of it or count the minutes before it is over.
Abuse would be another as I might be a toy with a desired used it might not be the use the toy wielded wish. So for a short period of time I would have no control on how I was used. No one wondering if I was happy just some one making sure they were happy. Lack of control ties into this I would not have any reason to give scenarios or tell them what to do. That would be wild, as I love the unknown. I love the challenge of doing something I have not a clue about or involved in plans I do not know. I cold be traded, lent and I would have no say in the matter. A toy has no emotion ties for an owner. An owner might have a favourite toy but no toy has a favourite owner.
Yes I know I am describing a slave. I have in the past used the title of slave perhaps even abused it. Most of my past dominants have not understood my desires and I think have not used me to the fullest of their desires negating the possibility of reaching mine.
The label of toy, yes I know we do not like labels but really without them it might take years to describe what I am so it is nice to have a starting point a common ground or understanding. Unfortunately, the word slave and it’s meaning seems to be convoluted now, I would have used a hankie code but I do not know of one that describes me that well so that is why I will use the label toy along with my thoughts on being a toy I hope more will understand or at least promote discussion on what I can provide and what I need.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A toy or aa slave
A toy.
A word used for many a thing. A toy in the lifestyle can represent a thing or a person.
When a thing it has purpose not only for what it was intended but as a mental stimulant for the one the toy is to be used on and perhaps to the one who will use it.
In reference to a person it is slightly different. It usually means someone that is used only at specific times such as a play party or perhaps as a prelude to sex. The person become s the slave, submissive or bottom for just that period of time.
Sadly, right now I feel relegate to being a toy. One deep down in the box that when found such comments as I thought I threw that out or oh my god does it still work. Not by choice but timing and circumstance has forced me to accept that the lifestyle demands more flexibility and freedom then any other lifestyle based on rules, restrictions and at the end of it acceptance or understanding.
The Vanillas like to say how open they are but only of things they can understand, I had thought that this would be surpassed inside of the life style but vanilla traits can still be felt and surface quite easily when challenged. So many profess that there is only one way their way and expound upon it to any one of similar voice that cheer on those that express what they also feel.
I and thought that perhaps the Gay community might offer some greater acceptance but honestly the ones I have spoke to are more into the idea of clicks that snipe and attack others. Play nights at clubs once hard to find are now quite common though more a fashion show then hard play. I feel or at least hope there are those who stay away from the gossip, the labelling and Holier then thou attitude and simple wish to play. Those who preferred hankie codes to profiles and private enjoyment amongst like minded individual rather than the exploitation of the lifestyle for the pompous desire to be what they are not.
So I will call my self a toy my purpose I am here to be used and enjoyed by any one that can have evil fun the rest of the superior one that wet themselves when they look in the mirror well you have your playmate it is looking back at you from the mirror.
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A word used for many a thing. A toy in the lifestyle can represent a thing or a person.
When a thing it has purpose not only for what it was intended but as a mental stimulant for the one the toy is to be used on and perhaps to the one who will use it.
In reference to a person it is slightly different. It usually means someone that is used only at specific times such as a play party or perhaps as a prelude to sex. The person become s the slave, submissive or bottom for just that period of time.
Sadly, right now I feel relegate to being a toy. One deep down in the box that when found such comments as I thought I threw that out or oh my god does it still work. Not by choice but timing and circumstance has forced me to accept that the lifestyle demands more flexibility and freedom then any other lifestyle based on rules, restrictions and at the end of it acceptance or understanding.
The Vanillas like to say how open they are but only of things they can understand, I had thought that this would be surpassed inside of the life style but vanilla traits can still be felt and surface quite easily when challenged. So many profess that there is only one way their way and expound upon it to any one of similar voice that cheer on those that express what they also feel.
I and thought that perhaps the Gay community might offer some greater acceptance but honestly the ones I have spoke to are more into the idea of clicks that snipe and attack others. Play nights at clubs once hard to find are now quite common though more a fashion show then hard play. I feel or at least hope there are those who stay away from the gossip, the labelling and Holier then thou attitude and simple wish to play. Those who preferred hankie codes to profiles and private enjoyment amongst like minded individual rather than the exploitation of the lifestyle for the pompous desire to be what they are not.
So I will call my self a toy my purpose I am here to be used and enjoyed by any one that can have evil fun the rest of the superior one that wet themselves when they look in the mirror well you have your playmate it is looking back at you from the mirror.
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Monday, June 1, 2009
Thoughs about Humiliation
Humiliation
is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly. Acting to humiliate yourself may be linked to a personal belief (as with mortification of the flesh, with some religions), or it can be part of erotic humiliation where the belittling activity provides emotional and/or sexual arousal or heightened sensation
SO one of the last statements there must be other involved is one I will start with. Humiliation to me is closely related to the feeling you get when you have either accidentally or deliberately exposed your self . Some might think of this an act alone but there are those that have seen you so that is involving other people. If you have not been seen then the possibility of others seeing you is exciting it is not the intensity of having been caught.
I feel being caught is vary much at the base of the humiliation game, caught in lie , shown to be lacking in strength, show as weak or that others can control you. All the essence of bullying and of slavery comes out in being caught. Perhaps caught showing your true feelings but still caught.
Slavery to me is the ultimate bulling we give over control to others. They mistreat us slap us around and we do nt leave then for fear. Fear of not having our desires met, fear of the pain that will happen if we do, fear of no longer being the point of some one’s attention. One of the reasons I adore CFmn as it puts the naked male as the canter of attention. The person naked in a room full of dressed people is in tht old dream, nightmare of fantasy depends on how you look at it. Naked at school or in a business meeting is what I speak of. How everyone at first ignores you as you are nothing until one discovers your exposure then all attention is turned to you! As a slave is your exposure any lest, it does not change because of what you are called. I believe that humiliation is a very great part of slavery. Many of the Dominants that exist now are not the successful intelligent people that we might prefer. For me the humiliation tends to increase if I slave to some one normally consider weaker then me. Serving females as there stature is usually smaller then mine or then mine that would not command respect from me in vanilla life as he does in the lifestyle because he holds my chain.
Some thought s on humiliation they are mine you do not have to agree and yes this is an ongoing thought so there will be more.
is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly. Acting to humiliate yourself may be linked to a personal belief (as with mortification of the flesh, with some religions), or it can be part of erotic humiliation where the belittling activity provides emotional and/or sexual arousal or heightened sensation
SO one of the last statements there must be other involved is one I will start with. Humiliation to me is closely related to the feeling you get when you have either accidentally or deliberately exposed your self . Some might think of this an act alone but there are those that have seen you so that is involving other people. If you have not been seen then the possibility of others seeing you is exciting it is not the intensity of having been caught.
I feel being caught is vary much at the base of the humiliation game, caught in lie , shown to be lacking in strength, show as weak or that others can control you. All the essence of bullying and of slavery comes out in being caught. Perhaps caught showing your true feelings but still caught.
Slavery to me is the ultimate bulling we give over control to others. They mistreat us slap us around and we do nt leave then for fear. Fear of not having our desires met, fear of the pain that will happen if we do, fear of no longer being the point of some one’s attention. One of the reasons I adore CFmn as it puts the naked male as the canter of attention. The person naked in a room full of dressed people is in tht old dream, nightmare of fantasy depends on how you look at it. Naked at school or in a business meeting is what I speak of. How everyone at first ignores you as you are nothing until one discovers your exposure then all attention is turned to you! As a slave is your exposure any lest, it does not change because of what you are called. I believe that humiliation is a very great part of slavery. Many of the Dominants that exist now are not the successful intelligent people that we might prefer. For me the humiliation tends to increase if I slave to some one normally consider weaker then me. Serving females as there stature is usually smaller then mine or then mine that would not command respect from me in vanilla life as he does in the lifestyle because he holds my chain.
Some thought s on humiliation they are mine you do not have to agree and yes this is an ongoing thought so there will be more.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Somethings are just best keep to myself.
I was sitting on a bus I had not taken in a while and smiled as I passed a house I always like to see on Baffin. A large house three car garage and looked a bit Gothic. My vanilla friend next to me commented that I was smiling. I said it is the house that I had always fantasized about what it was like inside. He said when we start smiling at impossible things we are stating to show our age.
I smiled again but did not tell him why. I had smiled at all the fantasies that I had lived out imagine if I had told him about that . How I was a slave and had several session by the age of twenty one. How I live for three glorious months as a slave or my first trainings with Greogian. The numerous ass of women I have kissed as well as oher places. How I pranced around several times at clubs private parties and at camps being a slave. I will not say how many spankings or whippings I have endured for both the pleasure of my Dominants and myself.
I really should not tell him of my real fantasy of the house on Baffin of being the house boy or naked man servant. No some things are just best shared here where my vanilla friends do not go and if they stumble onto all they get to see is my naked ass. So unless they have been admiring my ass from a far I guess I am okay. Somethings are just best keep to myself.
I smiled again but did not tell him why. I had smiled at all the fantasies that I had lived out imagine if I had told him about that . How I was a slave and had several session by the age of twenty one. How I live for three glorious months as a slave or my first trainings with Greogian. The numerous ass of women I have kissed as well as oher places. How I pranced around several times at clubs private parties and at camps being a slave. I will not say how many spankings or whippings I have endured for both the pleasure of my Dominants and myself.
I really should not tell him of my real fantasy of the house on Baffin of being the house boy or naked man servant. No some things are just best shared here where my vanilla friends do not go and if they stumble onto all they get to see is my naked ass. So unless they have been admiring my ass from a far I guess I am okay. Somethings are just best keep to myself.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
bulling vs slavery
I find many of the key elements of slavery can be found in being bullied. At least key elements that I enjoy. First there is the unknown factor of being bullied you do not know what they will do nor how far they will go. So far I have never heard of a bully asking for your hard limits. No bully has ever to my knowledge ask what victim would like they do.
The fear factor comes to fore front. Most comply because of this if I don’t it will be worse. Having you face spat upon or urinated on both are some slaves desires. Kissing or rimming ass, licking feet all bulling are also desires of some slaves.
Then there is the humiliation of it being tied to fence , forced nudity of having people you would not give the time day to being in control of you. Another humiliation is when others see this being done to you.
I guess having never been bullied in school and that it has a lot of things I have desired for a while certainly intrigues me.
Having been a switch there is another thing that I ponder that is what if I had to serve an old slave of mine how nasty could she be. Would it be more humiliating to have some one that I tortured now in charge would that not be interesting a revenge factor almost? SO much to think about
The fear factor comes to fore front. Most comply because of this if I don’t it will be worse. Having you face spat upon or urinated on both are some slaves desires. Kissing or rimming ass, licking feet all bulling are also desires of some slaves.
Then there is the humiliation of it being tied to fence , forced nudity of having people you would not give the time day to being in control of you. Another humiliation is when others see this being done to you.
I guess having never been bullied in school and that it has a lot of things I have desired for a while certainly intrigues me.
Having been a switch there is another thing that I ponder that is what if I had to serve an old slave of mine how nasty could she be. Would it be more humiliating to have some one that I tortured now in charge would that not be interesting a revenge factor almost? SO much to think about
Friday, April 24, 2009
So what do you do with a naked male slave?
Seems a hard question for some Dominants. The males I find rather timid when it comes to having a male slave almost as it they do not know what to do. Gay males are better at it but alas boys, seems as if the ladies have you beat. They have plans at least and do not fumble the pre-conversations being dishonest with themselves let alone the slave.
Seems it must be the questions I pose such as have you had a male slave? Which if they answer yes to means they did some thing with them, had some concept of what they can be used for. If you say no then I question further to see if they have an idea of what to do. So straight males before they contact a male slave think a bit and I will give you a hint what do you use a female slave for? If you just say sex well perhaps a re-think of where you are might help.
Perhaps I should confine my offering of my slavery to the more evil, intelligent, honest and nastier of sexes. Ladies any one needs a slave for house work and abuse? Hopefully one with a an evil laugh and mind to go along as when one is on all fours scrubbing the floor one would not want to get bored.
Seems it must be the questions I pose such as have you had a male slave? Which if they answer yes to means they did some thing with them, had some concept of what they can be used for. If you say no then I question further to see if they have an idea of what to do. So straight males before they contact a male slave think a bit and I will give you a hint what do you use a female slave for? If you just say sex well perhaps a re-think of where you are might help.
Perhaps I should confine my offering of my slavery to the more evil, intelligent, honest and nastier of sexes. Ladies any one needs a slave for house work and abuse? Hopefully one with a an evil laugh and mind to go along as when one is on all fours scrubbing the floor one would not want to get bored.
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