I can only speak for myself the freedom of being naked creates a great loneliness. Standing in the garage bungee cords attaching my nipple clamps to the garage door waiting for some one to pass on the street so I can quickly hide from their sight or the chance of discovery from those within used to bring a a wild feeling. Now today no one passed no one and no one is home it just reinforces the loneliness of not having some one to torment me.
While doing house work in the nude with the chance of someone coming home has had it’s affect also a cold absences of reason to slave when there is no one to slave for. I had once thought that being subservient to the vanillas that live with me with out their knowledge could give me some relief but when they do not know and do not take advantage of having a slave what is the point. No one is there to say do it again. No one to bring out the paddle or strap and redden one’s ass. The fantasy of having them bring their friends in to humiliate you in the position of slave serve those that once would serve me as the pecking order in vanilla life is different. The fantasy of embarrassment in front of those once called friends will never occur that is a hard fact.
At my age I wonder if I will find a dominant wishing to take me as a slave. I talk to many Dominants but it is all discussions rather then interviews for a position with them. I see now that the lack of a dominant in my life is a great draw back I ponder the idea of just removing my profiles and try to find happiness in the vanilla’s world sitting back and smiling not at the company but the sweet memories of slavery that I was able to have putting aside the desires that I still foster deep inside.
Just a quiet rant with myself one that I hope will pass quickly and quietly.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
A drawback to training with out a dominant is non-completion of the feelings of slavery. Yes the frist day was fun. The pain the idea of hanging my nipples off the garage door where if some one looked they would see. So the chance of discovery intensified the situation it did not complete the act. It was unfinished.
At the munch, the start I was treated as a submissive but by the end of the evening I was left wanting a lot more. I had given very little service and conversation of vanilla nature drew me out of my submissive role and was just one of people talking about groceries. I did try to stimulate conversation in the direction of bdsm by asking questions of Sir and his feelings on certain areas of the lifestyle but it did seem as if we were the only ones talking about the lifestyle.
The weekend was full of vanilla times and today when I hung my nipples for training well they have toughen up , there was no chance sightings as there was no cars driving by. So a very boring start to the day and week for me.
Everyone is back home so the chances of anymore real traing or hermit time has gone or reduces to chance happenings. No one seems to need any naked slave work done. No new contacts over the weekend hmmm, could It all just be a fantasy? I guess and one day I will wake up knowing that my chance has passed me by that it is over I guess
At the munch, the start I was treated as a submissive but by the end of the evening I was left wanting a lot more. I had given very little service and conversation of vanilla nature drew me out of my submissive role and was just one of people talking about groceries. I did try to stimulate conversation in the direction of bdsm by asking questions of Sir and his feelings on certain areas of the lifestyle but it did seem as if we were the only ones talking about the lifestyle.
The weekend was full of vanilla times and today when I hung my nipples for training well they have toughen up , there was no chance sightings as there was no cars driving by. So a very boring start to the day and week for me.
Everyone is back home so the chances of anymore real traing or hermit time has gone or reduces to chance happenings. No one seems to need any naked slave work done. No new contacts over the weekend hmmm, could It all just be a fantasy? I guess and one day I will wake up knowing that my chance has passed me by that it is over I guess
Monday, August 17, 2009
a need to be re-trainned
So until I find a dominant or dominants I intend o try and be more submissive in my nature. Though being submissive to my mother in law was terribly humbling and greatly annoying to me I want to see if this was a fulfillment of desire or just a vacation from a more dominants personality.
So that means I am putting away my dominant side for the next two weeks. Well I will try to that is so as usual as I love giving others rules to live by I will do so for myself.
So first rule will be to be polite to every one along with not arguing with anyone. So no matter what I think of a dominant or another slave and vanillas I will be polite in my expression of ideas in discussions but will cede to their wisdom in discussion no matter what my view. I will, of course be happy to accept minor requests from them.
Beds will be made everyday by nine the kitchen and living room will be cleaned on Mondays and Wednesday the bathroom and bedroom on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
No swearing.
Proper words to be used only, no abbreviations nor slang in my spoken or written words.
I would sit back and list all sorts of rules with punishments but self-punishment seems to carry too much pleasure with it to be affective. So unless there is a good suggestion for other rules and or punishment from the World Wide Web I will just try to be mindful of etiquette and observant of others protocols.. As if I was the only student in a Victorian schoolhouse with thousands of teachers and even more rules. Two weeks could be an eternity.
So that means I am putting away my dominant side for the next two weeks. Well I will try to that is so as usual as I love giving others rules to live by I will do so for myself.
So first rule will be to be polite to every one along with not arguing with anyone. So no matter what I think of a dominant or another slave and vanillas I will be polite in my expression of ideas in discussions but will cede to their wisdom in discussion no matter what my view. I will, of course be happy to accept minor requests from them.
Beds will be made everyday by nine the kitchen and living room will be cleaned on Mondays and Wednesday the bathroom and bedroom on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
No swearing.
Proper words to be used only, no abbreviations nor slang in my spoken or written words.
I would sit back and list all sorts of rules with punishments but self-punishment seems to carry too much pleasure with it to be affective. So unless there is a good suggestion for other rules and or punishment from the World Wide Web I will just try to be mindful of etiquette and observant of others protocols.. As if I was the only student in a Victorian schoolhouse with thousands of teachers and even more rules. Two weeks could be an eternity.
The first thing is that while I could not be naked all the time I could wear very little so most of the time I wore only a towel. I was able to be very submissive without the knowledge of the vanillas I was with. I made their beds, made coffee and tea for them was extremely polite almost always did what they wanted to. Of course all the time hoping that my towel would fall and one of them would get the idea that I should remain like that as their naked servant for the rest of the trip that did not happen
Mount Tremblanc is sort of a party town so early in the mornings there was no one on the lake it was peaceful that was my reword as the vanillas would tell me that I did so much for them I should go out on the lake. I did find a lot of frustration in that my service was recognized for te wrong reason that I was being nice instead of being a slave and force to serve the dragon my mother in law.
I think the feeling of forced slavery did come out in me serving her it was not fun serving the old battle axe ther was no sexual feelings more of humiliation inside that I would serve one that I have come contempt for in past years. The feeling of humiliation that I gain in the service of a male Dom would come close to it but even more so as I gain some pleasure out of males I gained none from her. It was a lesson in what I enjoy and want.
Trying to serve two individuals that wanted different things was also bought out in me as a desire of mine. Though not extreme I can see the constant push and pull in two directions to be stimulating and demanding. While there was no corporal punishment there was a smile she got on her face almost saying she had won I was finally in my place.
It took me back to a time one night I was asked by a male Dom to be his houseboy at a private party he organize. He told me my rules that I would not be played with nor allowed to watch the play. I had to open the door and greet his guest I served drinks and when He and his partner and their friends went down stairs I was given the task to prepare the snack for after play and listen for one of the guest phones. It was a pleasurable evening of slavery.
I need a very strict and task oriented Master or mistress or both to gain pleasure far more based being in the army as a private where there are rules rigidly followed and everyone else is above me in the pecking order. Throw in cp, cbt, bondage and general torture and I am a happy slave.
The fantasy that I came away with is finding an English schoolteacher or teachers. That needs a naked servant /slave. Of course if they carried a yardstick, ruler, paddle or strap that would only intensify the situation especially if I had to write line on a black board, lol!
SO in keeping with my fantasy a challenge, if you find a spelling mistake or grammar mistake in the above post One day of no strings naked house work or house slavery for you. One day per mistake wiggle, wiggle as a friend would say. Oh the towel is optional should you not want to laugh too much. First five to respond with the mistakes .
Mount Tremblanc is sort of a party town so early in the mornings there was no one on the lake it was peaceful that was my reword as the vanillas would tell me that I did so much for them I should go out on the lake. I did find a lot of frustration in that my service was recognized for te wrong reason that I was being nice instead of being a slave and force to serve the dragon my mother in law.
I think the feeling of forced slavery did come out in me serving her it was not fun serving the old battle axe ther was no sexual feelings more of humiliation inside that I would serve one that I have come contempt for in past years. The feeling of humiliation that I gain in the service of a male Dom would come close to it but even more so as I gain some pleasure out of males I gained none from her. It was a lesson in what I enjoy and want.
Trying to serve two individuals that wanted different things was also bought out in me as a desire of mine. Though not extreme I can see the constant push and pull in two directions to be stimulating and demanding. While there was no corporal punishment there was a smile she got on her face almost saying she had won I was finally in my place.
It took me back to a time one night I was asked by a male Dom to be his houseboy at a private party he organize. He told me my rules that I would not be played with nor allowed to watch the play. I had to open the door and greet his guest I served drinks and when He and his partner and their friends went down stairs I was given the task to prepare the snack for after play and listen for one of the guest phones. It was a pleasurable evening of slavery.
I need a very strict and task oriented Master or mistress or both to gain pleasure far more based being in the army as a private where there are rules rigidly followed and everyone else is above me in the pecking order. Throw in cp, cbt, bondage and general torture and I am a happy slave.
The fantasy that I came away with is finding an English schoolteacher or teachers. That needs a naked servant /slave. Of course if they carried a yardstick, ruler, paddle or strap that would only intensify the situation especially if I had to write line on a black board, lol!
SO in keeping with my fantasy a challenge, if you find a spelling mistake or grammar mistake in the above post One day of no strings naked house work or house slavery for you. One day per mistake wiggle, wiggle as a friend would say. Oh the towel is optional should you not want to laugh too much. First five to respond with the mistakes .
Friday, August 7, 2009
Why
A questions put to me by some new friends why do I enjoy slaving for some one. The idea of being naked in a roomful of dressed people being treated as a nothing spanked and made fun should cause a disgust in most normal people should it not. Seeing some one whip another person should bring up all sorts of apprehension should it not.
Yet I so love being the center of attention showing off what little I have , acting subservient to some I would not consider my equal in achievements in vanilla life yet I rave so much for it. There acan be all sorts of reasons given, usually they say it has something to do with the childhoods of the slaves or Dominants yet after speaking to many noe really have the same experiences. The pressures of vanilla life or the position held in it again they are both slave and Dominants from the sames positions and status so that for me cannot explain the complex or simple way of like that the lifestyle is.
Our fantasies are made of complex ideas of being taken or taking yet we harp on consensually of the lifestyle.SO it is an individualistic thing for reason that will never be know to me I like cleaning a house naked under the scrutiny of a dominant with belt or paddle in hand. Like a good meal or drink perhaps it is better to enjoy the taste and not know why it taste that way I might find out that chocolate tastes like rhubarb yuck yuck yuck.
Yet I so love being the center of attention showing off what little I have , acting subservient to some I would not consider my equal in achievements in vanilla life yet I rave so much for it. There acan be all sorts of reasons given, usually they say it has something to do with the childhoods of the slaves or Dominants yet after speaking to many noe really have the same experiences. The pressures of vanilla life or the position held in it again they are both slave and Dominants from the sames positions and status so that for me cannot explain the complex or simple way of like that the lifestyle is.
Our fantasies are made of complex ideas of being taken or taking yet we harp on consensually of the lifestyle.SO it is an individualistic thing for reason that will never be know to me I like cleaning a house naked under the scrutiny of a dominant with belt or paddle in hand. Like a good meal or drink perhaps it is better to enjoy the taste and not know why it taste that way I might find out that chocolate tastes like rhubarb yuck yuck yuck.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Going for a walk has always been a way to be alone. I guess a form of Hermit time you could say. It allows one to remove outside influences and concentrate on one's own thoughts. SO yesterday was just that a walk away from things.
The unfortunate thing is that you can go for a walk but I at least cannot walk away or truly escape if it is not for the vanilla interests then it is those of the lifestyle that draw upon me or worse those that do not investigate past their needs .
Just an ID sort of day.
The unfortunate thing is that you can go for a walk but I at least cannot walk away or truly escape if it is not for the vanilla interests then it is those of the lifestyle that draw upon me or worse those that do not investigate past their needs .
Just an ID sort of day.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It is complicated
When one uses the phrase "It's complicated" under relations ships one would think that it is not complicated to see that this person is not single at least to me. To me it means asked me and I will tell you about it or it means if you want single with no attachments or problems then best look at the next profile.
So I am worried now, dominants are supposed to be trusted with a slave's safety having total control over them right. Well do they read the same things slaves do more over do they read. Not one nor two as that just might be a random bit of bad luck nope five in the past three days. Yes they have contacted me with wonderful thoughts on slavery and if I was 18 I would now be working for the price of a airline ticket. At 28 I could have gone anywhere and started new no problem. Three males and two females have gone through the course of at least five emails without reading my profile past the part of my handle then they must have skipped down to the fun stuff. Fter the first email then I see the sane routine finding out what I like what I do then the schedule of of when I will be able to relocate. Frustrated I put a simple question polite but straight forward. " you do know I am attached?" Not bad that they selected me based solely on my picture and introduction but the anger that follows because they did not read past my handle. Worse that I am offering slavery to some one that does not understand the words I use or perhaps cannot read them because their other side is busy with their other hand and in case they read this that means you were pleasuring yourself. Yes I know Mornignstar I am not acting very slave like but really it I wanted this level of intelligence I would put the handle of the lead in my dogs mouth and the collar on my neck. I know at least he would lead with authority.
Now of course not all dominants of the five acted with anger two did not write back. Tow of the five were discussing my blog on being a toy some thing to be used with attachments hmm wonder why I would not want attachment hmm No wonder I am a switch and if one of those dominants are a switch two watch out for your ass my first task would be to give them five profiles and ten seconds t review each on every wrong answer ten strokes of the paddle hmm think that would be enough?
So I am worried now, dominants are supposed to be trusted with a slave's safety having total control over them right. Well do they read the same things slaves do more over do they read. Not one nor two as that just might be a random bit of bad luck nope five in the past three days. Yes they have contacted me with wonderful thoughts on slavery and if I was 18 I would now be working for the price of a airline ticket. At 28 I could have gone anywhere and started new no problem. Three males and two females have gone through the course of at least five emails without reading my profile past the part of my handle then they must have skipped down to the fun stuff. Fter the first email then I see the sane routine finding out what I like what I do then the schedule of of when I will be able to relocate. Frustrated I put a simple question polite but straight forward. " you do know I am attached?" Not bad that they selected me based solely on my picture and introduction but the anger that follows because they did not read past my handle. Worse that I am offering slavery to some one that does not understand the words I use or perhaps cannot read them because their other side is busy with their other hand and in case they read this that means you were pleasuring yourself. Yes I know Mornignstar I am not acting very slave like but really it I wanted this level of intelligence I would put the handle of the lead in my dogs mouth and the collar on my neck. I know at least he would lead with authority.
Now of course not all dominants of the five acted with anger two did not write back. Tow of the five were discussing my blog on being a toy some thing to be used with attachments hmm wonder why I would not want attachment hmm No wonder I am a switch and if one of those dominants are a switch two watch out for your ass my first task would be to give them five profiles and ten seconds t review each on every wrong answer ten strokes of the paddle hmm think that would be enough?
Saturday, July 18, 2009
When and what were your first recollections of BDSM thoughts?
When well let me clear the cobwebs off of the history book. I was 9 yes a tender age when I saw and episode of the rifleman. Mark a nine year old was kidnapped by ruffians. I think I felt fear the fear that he showed on the TV. I started to daydream about how it would feel to be helpless due to fear frozen in place like a fawn waiting for a bear to pass. Then what I consider worse was what if people that you did not like or they did not like you were in control of you. What is the worse thing a nine year old can thing of having happen? Well for me it was being dressed as a girl. What an embarrassment, to be like that in front of those most disliked. What came next well what if every one saw me like that all my friends? I think that was the first time in a daydream I experience being laughed at and enjoying it.
Then a dream to enforce it all yes the dream about suddenly being at school naked. One never knows how one gets to school in this state but there I was naked in the school’s hallways not knowing where to hide when the bell goes off and the halls are filled with students. The age of 11 proved to be an awakening as I had a teacher Miss Gerard with red hair and a temperament to match. Then my fantasies were upgraded, as he favourite thing was a 16” ruler that she used in the education of boys. I had the wildest daydreams sitting in her class as a child I was never hit but my daydreams had me naked in front of the class for some discretion then at the end of the day bent over the desk and she applied education to my ass. Never having felt a spanking in my like but seeing many others I felt as if I was missing some thing I guess. This is also when I had fantasies of being in the control of class mates that is when my dreams went from being tied up to having only panties to were then being naked in front of my captors or bullies. These daydreams were the start of my desire to slave I think! They contained tasks to do punishments for not doing them a lot of humiliation and corporal punishment.
I will flip the page of my history book next time for later years.
Then a dream to enforce it all yes the dream about suddenly being at school naked. One never knows how one gets to school in this state but there I was naked in the school’s hallways not knowing where to hide when the bell goes off and the halls are filled with students. The age of 11 proved to be an awakening as I had a teacher Miss Gerard with red hair and a temperament to match. Then my fantasies were upgraded, as he favourite thing was a 16” ruler that she used in the education of boys. I had the wildest daydreams sitting in her class as a child I was never hit but my daydreams had me naked in front of the class for some discretion then at the end of the day bent over the desk and she applied education to my ass. Never having felt a spanking in my like but seeing many others I felt as if I was missing some thing I guess. This is also when I had fantasies of being in the control of class mates that is when my dreams went from being tied up to having only panties to were then being naked in front of my captors or bullies. These daydreams were the start of my desire to slave I think! They contained tasks to do punishments for not doing them a lot of humiliation and corporal punishment.
I will flip the page of my history book next time for later years.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Different feelings of Humiliation
I have always thought that having to serve someone you do not want to takes a lot more submission then if you did like him or her.
Those disgusting bullies that pushed your face in the snow and out of fear you did what they wanted now you would have to admit to them that it is not fear but wish to submit to their disgusting treatment. The idea that they were better not because they were but because you wanted it that way you put them on high to be worshipped would that be more humiliating?
Would some one you like being offered your submission be more? The beautiful woman you have adored laughing as she took hold of your leash the now naked slave once her pride to be an toy for her pleasures.
Or would it be the buddy you have been friends with for years. And now you kneel with a red ass from his hand sucking his cock as he is smiling thinking of all the other ways he can belittle a former equal would that carry more Humiliation?
Those disgusting bullies that pushed your face in the snow and out of fear you did what they wanted now you would have to admit to them that it is not fear but wish to submit to their disgusting treatment. The idea that they were better not because they were but because you wanted it that way you put them on high to be worshipped would that be more humiliating?
Would some one you like being offered your submission be more? The beautiful woman you have adored laughing as she took hold of your leash the now naked slave once her pride to be an toy for her pleasures.
Or would it be the buddy you have been friends with for years. And now you kneel with a red ass from his hand sucking his cock as he is smiling thinking of all the other ways he can belittle a former equal would that carry more Humiliation?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Is humiliation always part of slavery.
A slave to me has always carried a stigma of humiliation to it. To me it means tht they lost a battle or war. They were into strong enough to defend themselves against raiders or too week in power and were sold off by their own people. So humiliation through not be strong enough to win they are the losers. They could also be the victims of bullies. Little one brought up a point though what of those born into slavery and I speak only of historically/ Well quite true they did not loose but their parents must have and they are not willing to break out or revolt they are content to be lesser then their owners so there lies the humiliation to me. Much like those that do not stand up to bullies out of fear well that is their humiliation .
So still a firm believer that humiliation is part and parce of the slavery gig.
So still a firm believer that humiliation is part and parce of the slavery gig.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Fear and the enjoyment of it.
I have come to the conclusion that I enjoy all sorts of fear . I was on Male submissive art and saw a naked man hand cuffed with a woman pressing into his body with hers holding a gun. Suggesting to me that the male was forced into this position.
A particular fear is one of being caught. Where what ever I have done creates an opportunity to be blackmailed. Perhaps it is a way of not admitting to my desires those that I wish to submit but rather portraying them as I have to or my secret is out. What secret who knows, as I am pretty liberal and not much affect me at least that I show. In my early days I offered challenges, played strip poked or had races only to deliberately try to loose. I would make elaborate boasts or wild bets in the hopes those I played with would take me up on them. Some did some did not but during the game the fear caused excitement of such strength.
I think it is the want of humiliation, the enjoyment of pain and the titillation of fear tht has kept me in the lifestyle. I am still looking for my bully the one that caused my capture then has control on all my actions. It is they who cause the crowds to laugh at my expense. Yes I know some in the lifestyle will say you should just be able to ask your dominant for a session and not have to get in trouble to get one. Quite true! But what if you enjoy running your fingers on the tiger’s cage should you not asked then to be chased if that is what you look for? AN old game I have played is called CCS. Chase catch and strip I would never be the first caught , I would tease and tantalize those chasing until I was the last one on my team the I would stumble. The last one was always treated the nastiest, I so enjoyed that.
A particular fear is one of being caught. Where what ever I have done creates an opportunity to be blackmailed. Perhaps it is a way of not admitting to my desires those that I wish to submit but rather portraying them as I have to or my secret is out. What secret who knows, as I am pretty liberal and not much affect me at least that I show. In my early days I offered challenges, played strip poked or had races only to deliberately try to loose. I would make elaborate boasts or wild bets in the hopes those I played with would take me up on them. Some did some did not but during the game the fear caused excitement of such strength.
I think it is the want of humiliation, the enjoyment of pain and the titillation of fear tht has kept me in the lifestyle. I am still looking for my bully the one that caused my capture then has control on all my actions. It is they who cause the crowds to laugh at my expense. Yes I know some in the lifestyle will say you should just be able to ask your dominant for a session and not have to get in trouble to get one. Quite true! But what if you enjoy running your fingers on the tiger’s cage should you not asked then to be chased if that is what you look for? AN old game I have played is called CCS. Chase catch and strip I would never be the first caught , I would tease and tantalize those chasing until I was the last one on my team the I would stumble. The last one was always treated the nastiest, I so enjoyed that.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Revenge or wish for submission
I am off to see an old slave turned vanilla for a coffee this morning. I have to say during this period of time in my life I am having wonderfully submissive feelings spurred on by fantasies of having to be a slave to one of my ex slaves.
I would also say that my most submissive feelings have come from being in a submissive position with other slaves. Funny that the two times I have feel the most slave like and humiliated has been serving a submissive friend of mine and the other a former slave. Though I do not expect anything from today other then vanilla conversation the idea is very powerful. I guess it is just the time of my life and the submissive phase I am going through but wild thoughts abound.
I would also say that my most submissive feelings have come from being in a submissive position with other slaves. Funny that the two times I have feel the most slave like and humiliated has been serving a submissive friend of mine and the other a former slave. Though I do not expect anything from today other then vanilla conversation the idea is very powerful. I guess it is just the time of my life and the submissive phase I am going through but wild thoughts abound.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
what slaves will do to amuse themselves
So many times in the past I have taken Hermit time in my garage. I used to get away from vanilla life, which is what Hermit time is all about. I have offer challenges and free work I have posted when I would be in Hermit time almost daring anyone who read it to come over and catch me. Better send some one to my door and see if I would answer the door naked. Sadly while itn effort and intentions were good on my part the results were dismal. One of the few that actively participated in the challenges was a friend who is a submissive. Seems that the Dominants at the time who read Hermit time did so in passing or were unimpressed with the prize.So I have refrained from the challenges and have gone back to hermit time in the garage.
In the past I would insert a butt plug .put on nipple clamps attached to a chain. The chain I hooked on to a nail on the top part of the garage door. And of course a chain collar. The chain attached to the garage door forced my face, neck and shoulders to be visible to passer bys on the street. So when a car or people would pass I had to duck or twist backwards giving a delicious torture to my nipples. If anything popped out or fell off I had to repeat the time I was to spend.
Of course I upgraded to wearing hand cuffs that would not easily allow me to unhook the chain should some one approach. Then I went wild one day using the runners for the door to attach chains to for my wrists. The only way I could get out of them was to work them slowly off the end of the runner. All lots of fun as they increased my excitement and took the boredom out of the day. Then if it was a good day I could work in the house naked and my house would sparkle. Now not enough of that happens and I would have to say I missed it.
So any one gat a garage I can hang around in or perhaps some nasty cleaning they need a naked slave for? lol
In the past I would insert a butt plug .put on nipple clamps attached to a chain. The chain I hooked on to a nail on the top part of the garage door. And of course a chain collar. The chain attached to the garage door forced my face, neck and shoulders to be visible to passer bys on the street. So when a car or people would pass I had to duck or twist backwards giving a delicious torture to my nipples. If anything popped out or fell off I had to repeat the time I was to spend.
Of course I upgraded to wearing hand cuffs that would not easily allow me to unhook the chain should some one approach. Then I went wild one day using the runners for the door to attach chains to for my wrists. The only way I could get out of them was to work them slowly off the end of the runner. All lots of fun as they increased my excitement and took the boredom out of the day. Then if it was a good day I could work in the house naked and my house would sparkle. Now not enough of that happens and I would have to say I missed it.
So any one gat a garage I can hang around in or perhaps some nasty cleaning they need a naked slave for? lol
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
A pondering
When sitting around with a butt plug in you tend to ponder a howle lot on meanings.
Pure slavery.
A term use by an acquaintance of mine to describe some thing she wishes to try. Since hearing the term I have fantasized about what it could mean to her. As words can always be interpreted in at least two understandings and usually many more I have given a lot of thought to it’s meaning.
Now slap me if I am wrong but I do believe that it is or carries the meaning of what I have been looking for. No small talk about the price of gas or what we did last summer. No limits put forth by the slave or toy no ideas, demands or listings of what the slave likes to do just compliances to the dominants wishes and their desires.
No control by the slave at all, service, punishment , play is up to the dominant including dismissal for poor behaviour. I guess the only question is whether the slave or the Dominant can remain in their desired states with out a lapse or break.
I would guess length of time would have something to do with it. I have been to a camp but would have to say I was in and our of roles the dominants was not as strong as Ineeded or had wished for so that would be a concern for me but might make me concentrate a lot more on the dominants rather then what I felt I was missing.
Pure slavery.
A term use by an acquaintance of mine to describe some thing she wishes to try. Since hearing the term I have fantasized about what it could mean to her. As words can always be interpreted in at least two understandings and usually many more I have given a lot of thought to it’s meaning.
Now slap me if I am wrong but I do believe that it is or carries the meaning of what I have been looking for. No small talk about the price of gas or what we did last summer. No limits put forth by the slave or toy no ideas, demands or listings of what the slave likes to do just compliances to the dominants wishes and their desires.
No control by the slave at all, service, punishment , play is up to the dominant including dismissal for poor behaviour. I guess the only question is whether the slave or the Dominant can remain in their desired states with out a lapse or break.
I would guess length of time would have something to do with it. I have been to a camp but would have to say I was in and our of roles the dominants was not as strong as Ineeded or had wished for so that would be a concern for me but might make me concentrate a lot more on the dominants rather then what I felt I was missing.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thoughts on being a toy
Thoughts on being a toy.
I would have to say that the idea of being a toy satisfies me on several fronts. The first interests for me had always been the unknown. A true slave never had the choice of which owner they wanted that to me is a bit alluring. For me it brings the idea of serving, lack of control and humiliation to a high point. What if I do not like the person think there are beneath me? What better a humiliation to be forced to serve them? Would I relish in the humiliation of it or count the minutes before it is over.
Abuse would be another as I might be a toy with a desired used it might not be the use the toy wielded wish. So for a short period of time I would have no control on how I was used. No one wondering if I was happy just some one making sure they were happy. Lack of control ties into this I would not have any reason to give scenarios or tell them what to do. That would be wild, as I love the unknown. I love the challenge of doing something I have not a clue about or involved in plans I do not know. I cold be traded, lent and I would have no say in the matter. A toy has no emotion ties for an owner. An owner might have a favourite toy but no toy has a favourite owner.
Yes I know I am describing a slave. I have in the past used the title of slave perhaps even abused it. Most of my past dominants have not understood my desires and I think have not used me to the fullest of their desires negating the possibility of reaching mine.
The label of toy, yes I know we do not like labels but really without them it might take years to describe what I am so it is nice to have a starting point a common ground or understanding. Unfortunately, the word slave and it’s meaning seems to be convoluted now, I would have used a hankie code but I do not know of one that describes me that well so that is why I will use the label toy along with my thoughts on being a toy I hope more will understand or at least promote discussion on what I can provide and what I need.
I would have to say that the idea of being a toy satisfies me on several fronts. The first interests for me had always been the unknown. A true slave never had the choice of which owner they wanted that to me is a bit alluring. For me it brings the idea of serving, lack of control and humiliation to a high point. What if I do not like the person think there are beneath me? What better a humiliation to be forced to serve them? Would I relish in the humiliation of it or count the minutes before it is over.
Abuse would be another as I might be a toy with a desired used it might not be the use the toy wielded wish. So for a short period of time I would have no control on how I was used. No one wondering if I was happy just some one making sure they were happy. Lack of control ties into this I would not have any reason to give scenarios or tell them what to do. That would be wild, as I love the unknown. I love the challenge of doing something I have not a clue about or involved in plans I do not know. I cold be traded, lent and I would have no say in the matter. A toy has no emotion ties for an owner. An owner might have a favourite toy but no toy has a favourite owner.
Yes I know I am describing a slave. I have in the past used the title of slave perhaps even abused it. Most of my past dominants have not understood my desires and I think have not used me to the fullest of their desires negating the possibility of reaching mine.
The label of toy, yes I know we do not like labels but really without them it might take years to describe what I am so it is nice to have a starting point a common ground or understanding. Unfortunately, the word slave and it’s meaning seems to be convoluted now, I would have used a hankie code but I do not know of one that describes me that well so that is why I will use the label toy along with my thoughts on being a toy I hope more will understand or at least promote discussion on what I can provide and what I need.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A toy or aa slave
A toy.
A word used for many a thing. A toy in the lifestyle can represent a thing or a person.
When a thing it has purpose not only for what it was intended but as a mental stimulant for the one the toy is to be used on and perhaps to the one who will use it.
In reference to a person it is slightly different. It usually means someone that is used only at specific times such as a play party or perhaps as a prelude to sex. The person become s the slave, submissive or bottom for just that period of time.
Sadly, right now I feel relegate to being a toy. One deep down in the box that when found such comments as I thought I threw that out or oh my god does it still work. Not by choice but timing and circumstance has forced me to accept that the lifestyle demands more flexibility and freedom then any other lifestyle based on rules, restrictions and at the end of it acceptance or understanding.
The Vanillas like to say how open they are but only of things they can understand, I had thought that this would be surpassed inside of the life style but vanilla traits can still be felt and surface quite easily when challenged. So many profess that there is only one way their way and expound upon it to any one of similar voice that cheer on those that express what they also feel.
I and thought that perhaps the Gay community might offer some greater acceptance but honestly the ones I have spoke to are more into the idea of clicks that snipe and attack others. Play nights at clubs once hard to find are now quite common though more a fashion show then hard play. I feel or at least hope there are those who stay away from the gossip, the labelling and Holier then thou attitude and simple wish to play. Those who preferred hankie codes to profiles and private enjoyment amongst like minded individual rather than the exploitation of the lifestyle for the pompous desire to be what they are not.
So I will call my self a toy my purpose I am here to be used and enjoyed by any one that can have evil fun the rest of the superior one that wet themselves when they look in the mirror well you have your playmate it is looking back at you from the mirror.
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A word used for many a thing. A toy in the lifestyle can represent a thing or a person.
When a thing it has purpose not only for what it was intended but as a mental stimulant for the one the toy is to be used on and perhaps to the one who will use it.
In reference to a person it is slightly different. It usually means someone that is used only at specific times such as a play party or perhaps as a prelude to sex. The person become s the slave, submissive or bottom for just that period of time.
Sadly, right now I feel relegate to being a toy. One deep down in the box that when found such comments as I thought I threw that out or oh my god does it still work. Not by choice but timing and circumstance has forced me to accept that the lifestyle demands more flexibility and freedom then any other lifestyle based on rules, restrictions and at the end of it acceptance or understanding.
The Vanillas like to say how open they are but only of things they can understand, I had thought that this would be surpassed inside of the life style but vanilla traits can still be felt and surface quite easily when challenged. So many profess that there is only one way their way and expound upon it to any one of similar voice that cheer on those that express what they also feel.
I and thought that perhaps the Gay community might offer some greater acceptance but honestly the ones I have spoke to are more into the idea of clicks that snipe and attack others. Play nights at clubs once hard to find are now quite common though more a fashion show then hard play. I feel or at least hope there are those who stay away from the gossip, the labelling and Holier then thou attitude and simple wish to play. Those who preferred hankie codes to profiles and private enjoyment amongst like minded individual rather than the exploitation of the lifestyle for the pompous desire to be what they are not.
So I will call my self a toy my purpose I am here to be used and enjoyed by any one that can have evil fun the rest of the superior one that wet themselves when they look in the mirror well you have your playmate it is looking back at you from the mirror.
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Monday, June 1, 2009
Thoughs about Humiliation
Humiliation
is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly. Acting to humiliate yourself may be linked to a personal belief (as with mortification of the flesh, with some religions), or it can be part of erotic humiliation where the belittling activity provides emotional and/or sexual arousal or heightened sensation
SO one of the last statements there must be other involved is one I will start with. Humiliation to me is closely related to the feeling you get when you have either accidentally or deliberately exposed your self . Some might think of this an act alone but there are those that have seen you so that is involving other people. If you have not been seen then the possibility of others seeing you is exciting it is not the intensity of having been caught.
I feel being caught is vary much at the base of the humiliation game, caught in lie , shown to be lacking in strength, show as weak or that others can control you. All the essence of bullying and of slavery comes out in being caught. Perhaps caught showing your true feelings but still caught.
Slavery to me is the ultimate bulling we give over control to others. They mistreat us slap us around and we do nt leave then for fear. Fear of not having our desires met, fear of the pain that will happen if we do, fear of no longer being the point of some one’s attention. One of the reasons I adore CFmn as it puts the naked male as the canter of attention. The person naked in a room full of dressed people is in tht old dream, nightmare of fantasy depends on how you look at it. Naked at school or in a business meeting is what I speak of. How everyone at first ignores you as you are nothing until one discovers your exposure then all attention is turned to you! As a slave is your exposure any lest, it does not change because of what you are called. I believe that humiliation is a very great part of slavery. Many of the Dominants that exist now are not the successful intelligent people that we might prefer. For me the humiliation tends to increase if I slave to some one normally consider weaker then me. Serving females as there stature is usually smaller then mine or then mine that would not command respect from me in vanilla life as he does in the lifestyle because he holds my chain.
Some thought s on humiliation they are mine you do not have to agree and yes this is an ongoing thought so there will be more.
is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act. Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly. Acting to humiliate yourself may be linked to a personal belief (as with mortification of the flesh, with some religions), or it can be part of erotic humiliation where the belittling activity provides emotional and/or sexual arousal or heightened sensation
SO one of the last statements there must be other involved is one I will start with. Humiliation to me is closely related to the feeling you get when you have either accidentally or deliberately exposed your self . Some might think of this an act alone but there are those that have seen you so that is involving other people. If you have not been seen then the possibility of others seeing you is exciting it is not the intensity of having been caught.
I feel being caught is vary much at the base of the humiliation game, caught in lie , shown to be lacking in strength, show as weak or that others can control you. All the essence of bullying and of slavery comes out in being caught. Perhaps caught showing your true feelings but still caught.
Slavery to me is the ultimate bulling we give over control to others. They mistreat us slap us around and we do nt leave then for fear. Fear of not having our desires met, fear of the pain that will happen if we do, fear of no longer being the point of some one’s attention. One of the reasons I adore CFmn as it puts the naked male as the canter of attention. The person naked in a room full of dressed people is in tht old dream, nightmare of fantasy depends on how you look at it. Naked at school or in a business meeting is what I speak of. How everyone at first ignores you as you are nothing until one discovers your exposure then all attention is turned to you! As a slave is your exposure any lest, it does not change because of what you are called. I believe that humiliation is a very great part of slavery. Many of the Dominants that exist now are not the successful intelligent people that we might prefer. For me the humiliation tends to increase if I slave to some one normally consider weaker then me. Serving females as there stature is usually smaller then mine or then mine that would not command respect from me in vanilla life as he does in the lifestyle because he holds my chain.
Some thought s on humiliation they are mine you do not have to agree and yes this is an ongoing thought so there will be more.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Somethings are just best keep to myself.
I was sitting on a bus I had not taken in a while and smiled as I passed a house I always like to see on Baffin. A large house three car garage and looked a bit Gothic. My vanilla friend next to me commented that I was smiling. I said it is the house that I had always fantasized about what it was like inside. He said when we start smiling at impossible things we are stating to show our age.
I smiled again but did not tell him why. I had smiled at all the fantasies that I had lived out imagine if I had told him about that . How I was a slave and had several session by the age of twenty one. How I live for three glorious months as a slave or my first trainings with Greogian. The numerous ass of women I have kissed as well as oher places. How I pranced around several times at clubs private parties and at camps being a slave. I will not say how many spankings or whippings I have endured for both the pleasure of my Dominants and myself.
I really should not tell him of my real fantasy of the house on Baffin of being the house boy or naked man servant. No some things are just best shared here where my vanilla friends do not go and if they stumble onto all they get to see is my naked ass. So unless they have been admiring my ass from a far I guess I am okay. Somethings are just best keep to myself.
I smiled again but did not tell him why. I had smiled at all the fantasies that I had lived out imagine if I had told him about that . How I was a slave and had several session by the age of twenty one. How I live for three glorious months as a slave or my first trainings with Greogian. The numerous ass of women I have kissed as well as oher places. How I pranced around several times at clubs private parties and at camps being a slave. I will not say how many spankings or whippings I have endured for both the pleasure of my Dominants and myself.
I really should not tell him of my real fantasy of the house on Baffin of being the house boy or naked man servant. No some things are just best shared here where my vanilla friends do not go and if they stumble onto all they get to see is my naked ass. So unless they have been admiring my ass from a far I guess I am okay. Somethings are just best keep to myself.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
bulling vs slavery
I find many of the key elements of slavery can be found in being bullied. At least key elements that I enjoy. First there is the unknown factor of being bullied you do not know what they will do nor how far they will go. So far I have never heard of a bully asking for your hard limits. No bully has ever to my knowledge ask what victim would like they do.
The fear factor comes to fore front. Most comply because of this if I don’t it will be worse. Having you face spat upon or urinated on both are some slaves desires. Kissing or rimming ass, licking feet all bulling are also desires of some slaves.
Then there is the humiliation of it being tied to fence , forced nudity of having people you would not give the time day to being in control of you. Another humiliation is when others see this being done to you.
I guess having never been bullied in school and that it has a lot of things I have desired for a while certainly intrigues me.
Having been a switch there is another thing that I ponder that is what if I had to serve an old slave of mine how nasty could she be. Would it be more humiliating to have some one that I tortured now in charge would that not be interesting a revenge factor almost? SO much to think about
The fear factor comes to fore front. Most comply because of this if I don’t it will be worse. Having you face spat upon or urinated on both are some slaves desires. Kissing or rimming ass, licking feet all bulling are also desires of some slaves.
Then there is the humiliation of it being tied to fence , forced nudity of having people you would not give the time day to being in control of you. Another humiliation is when others see this being done to you.
I guess having never been bullied in school and that it has a lot of things I have desired for a while certainly intrigues me.
Having been a switch there is another thing that I ponder that is what if I had to serve an old slave of mine how nasty could she be. Would it be more humiliating to have some one that I tortured now in charge would that not be interesting a revenge factor almost? SO much to think about
Friday, April 24, 2009
So what do you do with a naked male slave?
Seems a hard question for some Dominants. The males I find rather timid when it comes to having a male slave almost as it they do not know what to do. Gay males are better at it but alas boys, seems as if the ladies have you beat. They have plans at least and do not fumble the pre-conversations being dishonest with themselves let alone the slave.
Seems it must be the questions I pose such as have you had a male slave? Which if they answer yes to means they did some thing with them, had some concept of what they can be used for. If you say no then I question further to see if they have an idea of what to do. So straight males before they contact a male slave think a bit and I will give you a hint what do you use a female slave for? If you just say sex well perhaps a re-think of where you are might help.
Perhaps I should confine my offering of my slavery to the more evil, intelligent, honest and nastier of sexes. Ladies any one needs a slave for house work and abuse? Hopefully one with a an evil laugh and mind to go along as when one is on all fours scrubbing the floor one would not want to get bored.
Seems it must be the questions I pose such as have you had a male slave? Which if they answer yes to means they did some thing with them, had some concept of what they can be used for. If you say no then I question further to see if they have an idea of what to do. So straight males before they contact a male slave think a bit and I will give you a hint what do you use a female slave for? If you just say sex well perhaps a re-think of where you are might help.
Perhaps I should confine my offering of my slavery to the more evil, intelligent, honest and nastier of sexes. Ladies any one needs a slave for house work and abuse? Hopefully one with a an evil laugh and mind to go along as when one is on all fours scrubbing the floor one would not want to get bored.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Anticipation.
A better word I cannot think of when waiting for someone you have never met yet hope to turn over to them all the dark desires and feelings. I got there early and sat where I was supposed to an hour early.
Torture in a form as every male that turned the corner was immediately sized up and compared to what I thought should be. A few oh I hope not and one or tow of if this guy asks me my name I will only speak French to him. Of course as time went on there was the old question what am I doing here they all want younger males with huge organs to make suffer? So a few times I contemplated leaving but a friend of mine said I did a lot of pre-judging of some one I had never met.
Most of the time the ones I have met are shell dominants those that look and shout out commands but do not know how to dominate. They expect every slave to fall at their feet because they call themselves a Master.
Well today I met I hope one of the others. A male dominant who has thought and understanding. I did not have to keep anything in check I was calm when he walk up to me and calm when he left. I did not have to lead the discussion he did. He had questions no asking what I had done or wanted to do but that his desires would be met. He asked the questions but for one of the few times I felt a dominant actually listened to my answers. He has also warned me about breaking rules to get a punishment though he has said that his slave just needs to keep him informed of my thoughts and needs.
Now once tied up and bent over for him I do not know how comfortable I will be but I think if my feelings go right I will be enjoying my service as his slave. How nice not to have to think of what should happen next all that is required of me is to obey no thinking till after the session is over no planning before. How nice to be used again. From what I have surmised from his emails and conversation of today I will not be lacking in use nor have idle time when with him.
Torture in a form as every male that turned the corner was immediately sized up and compared to what I thought should be. A few oh I hope not and one or tow of if this guy asks me my name I will only speak French to him. Of course as time went on there was the old question what am I doing here they all want younger males with huge organs to make suffer? So a few times I contemplated leaving but a friend of mine said I did a lot of pre-judging of some one I had never met.
Most of the time the ones I have met are shell dominants those that look and shout out commands but do not know how to dominate. They expect every slave to fall at their feet because they call themselves a Master.
Well today I met I hope one of the others. A male dominant who has thought and understanding. I did not have to keep anything in check I was calm when he walk up to me and calm when he left. I did not have to lead the discussion he did. He had questions no asking what I had done or wanted to do but that his desires would be met. He asked the questions but for one of the few times I felt a dominant actually listened to my answers. He has also warned me about breaking rules to get a punishment though he has said that his slave just needs to keep him informed of my thoughts and needs.
Now once tied up and bent over for him I do not know how comfortable I will be but I think if my feelings go right I will be enjoying my service as his slave. How nice not to have to think of what should happen next all that is required of me is to obey no thinking till after the session is over no planning before. How nice to be used again. From what I have surmised from his emails and conversation of today I will not be lacking in use nor have idle time when with him.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Defining one self
With recent events in my life I have decided to redefine myself. So out with old an din with the new. The problem I am having is one I have written about before. How defined can you be? Silly question now a days is it not.
Now here comes the old man rhetoric. I used to walk into a darkened club and when ask I would say I am a submissive later changed to a slave. I liked corporal punishment, bondage, service and humiliation.
Now to say the same thing might take an hour or two but I will try later on at the end. I just have a few questions first. How defined do we really want to be? Who to hell knows all the meanings? Penetration means at least to me something going in. I was told penetration is a term used for objects but not butt plugs that is pluggin. Oh and penis penetration is still buggering but few know that term it is an ass fuck or rape depending on who you talk to. Being goosed is a finger fuck and anal play does not include rimming. And is there a difference between ass play and anal play. What is play piercing does it not mean the skin is broken then it is pierced. Ball busting means being kicked in the balls but being slapped there does not fall under ball busting, nor does presses. Spanking well, hand, belt or paddle which do you fall under for me a good ass beating was what I called it. I could see my self tell a dominant okay three minutes of hand two with the belt and 6 with paddle and a liberal spray of alcohol please hold on that is chemical torture now. Predicament bondage is not being in bondage a predicament, ball and cock bondage no that is not really part of cbt go figure could not do that could we. Humiliations well there is small penis humiliation but what makes a small penis some say less than three inches others say one and a half flaccid let attack it another way what is big hey I can answer that anything that hurts when it is placed in my ass! Hot wax or paraffin play is that not what wax is paraffin?
Getting into the over all name. There once was a bottom , a submissive, a slave they basically did what the dominants told them naked in uniform or a dress. Now there are sissy boys, sissy maids., Cross dressers houseboys, sex slave (hmmmm like that one) boot slave, puppy dogs, ponies, bondage bottoms, pain sluts, sluts, stable boys, piss slaves, toilet slaves, cuckolds and of course goreans. Sorry if I missed any but hell I was lost before imagine now.
As I perused fetlife and their list of fetishes I kept running into titles that I have no idea of. Checking on wickapedia I came up empty I will not bore you with them all just one sticks out in my mind boot blacking!
So now my turn here goes? I am a slave, well not really 9 or ten hard limits from being a real slave. So basically the dominants says and I do or at least I am if I understand what the heck they mean. So I guess that means I am a servant, maid , forced cross dresser, house boy, sex slave, cuckold, into anal, cp, cbt, anal play , ass play, bondage, cock and ball bondage, predicament bondage, butt plugs, clothes pegs, clamps, canes, chains, dildos, blindfolds, spankings, hand spankings, belt spankings, paddling on my ass not canoe, water sports, hot wax, paraffin, having a lit cigarette dragged of my ass cheeks, shaving, receiving anal penetrations with most objects including strap ons…. By the time I finish this list I will be retired hmmm just call me a slave and we can discuss the rest over a coffee.
Now here comes the old man rhetoric. I used to walk into a darkened club and when ask I would say I am a submissive later changed to a slave. I liked corporal punishment, bondage, service and humiliation.
Now to say the same thing might take an hour or two but I will try later on at the end. I just have a few questions first. How defined do we really want to be? Who to hell knows all the meanings? Penetration means at least to me something going in. I was told penetration is a term used for objects but not butt plugs that is pluggin. Oh and penis penetration is still buggering but few know that term it is an ass fuck or rape depending on who you talk to. Being goosed is a finger fuck and anal play does not include rimming. And is there a difference between ass play and anal play. What is play piercing does it not mean the skin is broken then it is pierced. Ball busting means being kicked in the balls but being slapped there does not fall under ball busting, nor does presses. Spanking well, hand, belt or paddle which do you fall under for me a good ass beating was what I called it. I could see my self tell a dominant okay three minutes of hand two with the belt and 6 with paddle and a liberal spray of alcohol please hold on that is chemical torture now. Predicament bondage is not being in bondage a predicament, ball and cock bondage no that is not really part of cbt go figure could not do that could we. Humiliations well there is small penis humiliation but what makes a small penis some say less than three inches others say one and a half flaccid let attack it another way what is big hey I can answer that anything that hurts when it is placed in my ass! Hot wax or paraffin play is that not what wax is paraffin?
Getting into the over all name. There once was a bottom , a submissive, a slave they basically did what the dominants told them naked in uniform or a dress. Now there are sissy boys, sissy maids., Cross dressers houseboys, sex slave (hmmmm like that one) boot slave, puppy dogs, ponies, bondage bottoms, pain sluts, sluts, stable boys, piss slaves, toilet slaves, cuckolds and of course goreans. Sorry if I missed any but hell I was lost before imagine now.
As I perused fetlife and their list of fetishes I kept running into titles that I have no idea of. Checking on wickapedia I came up empty I will not bore you with them all just one sticks out in my mind boot blacking!
So now my turn here goes? I am a slave, well not really 9 or ten hard limits from being a real slave. So basically the dominants says and I do or at least I am if I understand what the heck they mean. So I guess that means I am a servant, maid , forced cross dresser, house boy, sex slave, cuckold, into anal, cp, cbt, anal play , ass play, bondage, cock and ball bondage, predicament bondage, butt plugs, clothes pegs, clamps, canes, chains, dildos, blindfolds, spankings, hand spankings, belt spankings, paddling on my ass not canoe, water sports, hot wax, paraffin, having a lit cigarette dragged of my ass cheeks, shaving, receiving anal penetrations with most objects including strap ons…. By the time I finish this list I will be retired hmmm just call me a slave and we can discuss the rest over a coffee.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
C'est la vie
This would have been a rant but instead it will be a learning experience for me. After repeated emails and calls I found out that my suspicions were well founded. I finally received a short to the point reply from a friend of twenty years. You seem to have drifted to a darkness that we do not wish to associate with. We prefer our dungeons to be a concept rather than a reality. We do not wish further contact with you.
Some that call themselves friends I think in reality mean you must share all their concepts and ideas. A shame I enjoyed their company and resources for medieval weapons and castle building. C’est la vie.
So seems that we are not a liberated society that I thought we were. I did not tell them of my love of bdsm no in this day and age they google my handle and found my blog. Oh well I could hide my blog or not post pictures of my self but I have already removed it once but no longer feel like hiding it anymore it is an expression of who I am and if some one does not like well don’t look ther eis a warning. If more friends wish to raise their hands to their open mouth sand gasp well then I made them live for a few second and gave them hours of gossip that they can spread about like jelly. Hmmm wrestling in jelly could be fun. Not so bad if you can make some one come alive for a few moments.
At this time in my life I must say at times I am very frustrated. I am not at a point where I am enjoying myself nor are there many prospects that I will find what I look for. Perhaps a good thing to leave some old friendships drop by the way side and re-evaluate relations , friends where I am where I want to be . I think those that I have one or two things in common with detract from my time and efforts to move along and enjoy myself. I have done too much mentoring given away precious time to those that no longer say hello. Old slaves might just occupy too much of my time and all the Dominants that never contact me perhaps I shall just leave them alone till they do.
So it is not a rant but perhaps a self-realization I constantly tell one of my good friends that he tries to please and help too many, those not really worthy of his time or just take away from his own enjoyment. Perhaps I too am guilty of that I always thought I was not but it could be in here somewhere. So I guess those good friends of mine that after seeing me naked with a red ass tied to a cross have given me the fodder to get into gear. I guess I should send them a thank you card you one that has me ties up having my balls beat or perhaps hot wax. That sort of goes along with medieval torture does it not?
Okay what did I learn? If you want something you have to understand things cannot stay the same. Things will get broken some will mend other will not. C’est la vie!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Degrees of seperation
Degrees of separation
I have been busy asking lifestylers about the difference between a slave and a sub I asked only those of course that believe in a difference. The major difference and no not accurate to 6 one hundreds is that they believe a slave has or should have no hard limits. Some said it was about how negotiations are done, others said trust, a few said slaves will serve anyone owned or not , I think that is call a doormat but we will let them dream.
So for me the consensus of a very small group of Dom/mes share the idea of hard limits being the difference and the next major similar choice was trust. SO my list of hard limit s will show how far I am away from the ideal slave.
First Non-consensual.
This is my kink that everyone’s this also includes children, those that cannot make legal decisions, and I love this expression I got from a Dom I only play with my species.
Body modifications.
Yep I want to keep all my body parts and not have needles or piercing pushed through nor do I need a tattoo saying Mistress so and so on my ass reduces the re-sale value of the slave.
Family, business and friends.
This could be a soft limit depends but right now I would not want that to happen. This includes photos of my face just do not want to see tht plaster all over the internet.
Masks, gags and confinement in small dark areas.
Just somewhere I do not want to go.
Penile insertions.
Pretty free in anal play however my penis is a one way out an exit only.
Legal.
Yes well might be convince to be outside naked in non populated area or when the chance is minimal but prostituting my self or breaking of laws no way. So sort of a soft limit at times as a friend said depends sometimes.
Scat
Again do not mind things in the ass, things that come out clean just no excrement on me or me expelling it touching or anything else. Out of a clean ass I will rim, eat grapes just no crap please. Sort of a soft limit bad choice of words I guess but hard limit is shit.
So that give me a total of 7 hard limits 3 soft and 4 hard limits. Ten degrees from me being an ideal slave, or at lest my ideal. Some of them might fall if I really trust some one other would never.
Now trust that cannot be measured nor can I give it must be earned I would call it payment for my slavery is the work a dominant has to put in to earn it then we can see about what limits can be pushed a little.
I have been busy asking lifestylers about the difference between a slave and a sub I asked only those of course that believe in a difference. The major difference and no not accurate to 6 one hundreds is that they believe a slave has or should have no hard limits. Some said it was about how negotiations are done, others said trust, a few said slaves will serve anyone owned or not , I think that is call a doormat but we will let them dream.
So for me the consensus of a very small group of Dom/mes share the idea of hard limits being the difference and the next major similar choice was trust. SO my list of hard limit s will show how far I am away from the ideal slave.
First Non-consensual.
This is my kink that everyone’s this also includes children, those that cannot make legal decisions, and I love this expression I got from a Dom I only play with my species.
Body modifications.
Yep I want to keep all my body parts and not have needles or piercing pushed through nor do I need a tattoo saying Mistress so and so on my ass reduces the re-sale value of the slave.
Family, business and friends.
This could be a soft limit depends but right now I would not want that to happen. This includes photos of my face just do not want to see tht plaster all over the internet.
Masks, gags and confinement in small dark areas.
Just somewhere I do not want to go.
Penile insertions.
Pretty free in anal play however my penis is a one way out an exit only.
Legal.
Yes well might be convince to be outside naked in non populated area or when the chance is minimal but prostituting my self or breaking of laws no way. So sort of a soft limit at times as a friend said depends sometimes.
Scat
Again do not mind things in the ass, things that come out clean just no excrement on me or me expelling it touching or anything else. Out of a clean ass I will rim, eat grapes just no crap please. Sort of a soft limit bad choice of words I guess but hard limit is shit.
So that give me a total of 7 hard limits 3 soft and 4 hard limits. Ten degrees from me being an ideal slave, or at lest my ideal. Some of them might fall if I really trust some one other would never.
Now trust that cannot be measured nor can I give it must be earned I would call it payment for my slavery is the work a dominant has to put in to earn it then we can see about what limits can be pushed a little.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Just some things I am pondering
SO in the true sense of the word should a slave be subservient to any dominant showing them respect and observing a pecking order in life or should they only show that to the one or ones that own them? If some one wants to be a slave and is un owned does that mean they can stand like a free person equal to all amongst the dominant ones until they are owned?
Seems that the stories I have heard about and how I started was if you were a slave you served all in the house or club. Any dominant could use you or reprimand you for errors and punish you for infractions. That did not mean if you were owned tht once your owner found out that you would not be punished again.
In my more recent past this has sort of changed around . You do not have to act subservient to dominants other than your owner and who they diecide you should. So when not owned I am at liberty to argue , talk down to and not worry about any consequences. This to me opens the door to teasing dominants, as I know there will be no retribution. That allows me to escape from the mindset of a slave and more into a bratty sub. That is not a good thing caused me to go after what I want not try to please the desires of others.
Certainly for me the definition of a slave is simple but I feel political correctness and more not observing basic rules has caused being a slave a very complicated thing.
Along those lines I remember hearing a supposed slave tell his master whom he did not want to play with at a private party. Yes I know all the risks of un protected play but tell your owner who and how you can be used is just not slave like but like all things now a days rules seem to be bent for those that cannot work within them almost like saying do not reward those that can just change the rules so they can. Of course I might be the dinosaur here looking for the old days as they are owned and I am not.
As I said just some thoughts
Seems that the stories I have heard about and how I started was if you were a slave you served all in the house or club. Any dominant could use you or reprimand you for errors and punish you for infractions. That did not mean if you were owned tht once your owner found out that you would not be punished again.
In my more recent past this has sort of changed around . You do not have to act subservient to dominants other than your owner and who they diecide you should. So when not owned I am at liberty to argue , talk down to and not worry about any consequences. This to me opens the door to teasing dominants, as I know there will be no retribution. That allows me to escape from the mindset of a slave and more into a bratty sub. That is not a good thing caused me to go after what I want not try to please the desires of others.
Certainly for me the definition of a slave is simple but I feel political correctness and more not observing basic rules has caused being a slave a very complicated thing.
Along those lines I remember hearing a supposed slave tell his master whom he did not want to play with at a private party. Yes I know all the risks of un protected play but tell your owner who and how you can be used is just not slave like but like all things now a days rules seem to be bent for those that cannot work within them almost like saying do not reward those that can just change the rules so they can. Of course I might be the dinosaur here looking for the old days as they are owned and I am not.
As I said just some thoughts
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Droppings
There is inventiveness about Dominants. I have said I wish not to have hard limits but there are some things that are a must, Those that cannot be consensual, animals, children and those that cannot make a legal decision. Family is sort of in there and those that do not consent of course.
There is penile insert, which would take a long, long time for me to loose as a hard limit. Water sports I am fine with but yep the other end yuck, yuck, and yuck. Scat is yuck.
So how do I get around the hard limits bit that I am not supposed to have? The other points I think most normal dominants would agree but some like the humiliation caused by scat, yuck. I do not mind the food being smeared on me ketchup mustard as long as it is done prior to digestion like the before.
This was brought up to me in a chat with a Dominant. He understood the wish no to eat but perhaps the dropping which turned my stomach right away and I had to say no way could I. He then suggested that what if I cleaned myself prior to play and then he could stuff my anus with grapes and let them ferment and that said I have no problem with. Then he said what about eating them. Squeamish I thought and thought and could not really find a reason not to. I have rimmed others that were clean as he pointed out to me. So he felt that the grapes once deposited could them be place on another of his slave, in-between his cheeks and then I could munch down.
Some how now this sounded humiliating and disgusting but of interest. As the main thing of scat that I do not like is what it is. Then he ask what if he clean himself out and put the grapes inside of himself that way he could plop them out to give him the sensation of well for a lack of a better word crapping on me.
I still do not feel a hundred percent about this and I need not worry as he lives in California but the real question is how many hard limits should a slave be allowed or should be allowed if their definition of a slave is to do what the dominant says with out right to say no.
There is penile insert, which would take a long, long time for me to loose as a hard limit. Water sports I am fine with but yep the other end yuck, yuck, and yuck. Scat is yuck.
So how do I get around the hard limits bit that I am not supposed to have? The other points I think most normal dominants would agree but some like the humiliation caused by scat, yuck. I do not mind the food being smeared on me ketchup mustard as long as it is done prior to digestion like the before.
This was brought up to me in a chat with a Dominant. He understood the wish no to eat but perhaps the dropping which turned my stomach right away and I had to say no way could I. He then suggested that what if I cleaned myself prior to play and then he could stuff my anus with grapes and let them ferment and that said I have no problem with. Then he said what about eating them. Squeamish I thought and thought and could not really find a reason not to. I have rimmed others that were clean as he pointed out to me. So he felt that the grapes once deposited could them be place on another of his slave, in-between his cheeks and then I could munch down.
Some how now this sounded humiliating and disgusting but of interest. As the main thing of scat that I do not like is what it is. Then he ask what if he clean himself out and put the grapes inside of himself that way he could plop them out to give him the sensation of well for a lack of a better word crapping on me.
I still do not feel a hundred percent about this and I need not worry as he lives in California but the real question is how many hard limits should a slave be allowed or should be allowed if their definition of a slave is to do what the dominant says with out right to say no.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
A boring day ahead
I am not an anal person well I am but I am not. I love ass play but my character is far more relax I go with the flow. But there are things that annoy me. Buses that do not run on time, people that are late for appointments, blogs that are not there and excuses that are lame.
It is most annoying tht a blog goes quiet just because they are on spring breakor have to buy a car. Most inconsiderate of them to interrupt my reading of them how dares they. LOL just a little fun shot at a friend who has complained in the past about blogs disappearing.
A quiet day ahead for me and I think for many others or at least changes in their routines. So much has changed, munches have gone by the wayside, long chats with a variety of people are absent. Every one now makes toys so no real need or should I say want to purchase there are some web sites with great quality items. Almost everyone writes stories or journals, there are so many sites and clubs out there that we no long have the need to go underground with hankie codes and wink, wink. Every one talks of safety and safe words. There are list upon list of do’s and don’ts and how to’s that if they were all printed we would loose all of the rainforests.
I think I am missing. yes the old days of seedy adventure and fear. Searching through ad upon ad looking for key words such ” very strong minded or you need to be able to follow instructions “. The walking into a club and not knowing what you would walk out with all the excitement that you felt like a kid again at Christmas. Private parties and doors that opened and closed so quickly that you thought your ass was chopped off. The looks from those disgusting people that you hope would talk to you. Having some one walk up to you and tell you they wanted and off you went for a night of play with a stranger trusting that they had as much to loose as your did if they went too far but so wrapped up in the moment that the allure was too strong to say know.
Yes I know totally unsafe, I know all the dangers that we skirted the times it could have gone either way and the bruises and marks to show that we were not in a gentle lifestyle. I think I do miss excitement of fear that was always present yep missing the old days and the excitement of entering the unknown throwing caution to wind for the change of fulfillment of desire. So time for a coffee I guess and hopefully I will be ravaged by a postal women or a meter reader or maybe ……
It is most annoying tht a blog goes quiet just because they are on spring breakor have to buy a car. Most inconsiderate of them to interrupt my reading of them how dares they. LOL just a little fun shot at a friend who has complained in the past about blogs disappearing.
A quiet day ahead for me and I think for many others or at least changes in their routines. So much has changed, munches have gone by the wayside, long chats with a variety of people are absent. Every one now makes toys so no real need or should I say want to purchase there are some web sites with great quality items. Almost everyone writes stories or journals, there are so many sites and clubs out there that we no long have the need to go underground with hankie codes and wink, wink. Every one talks of safety and safe words. There are list upon list of do’s and don’ts and how to’s that if they were all printed we would loose all of the rainforests.
I think I am missing. yes the old days of seedy adventure and fear. Searching through ad upon ad looking for key words such ” very strong minded or you need to be able to follow instructions “. The walking into a club and not knowing what you would walk out with all the excitement that you felt like a kid again at Christmas. Private parties and doors that opened and closed so quickly that you thought your ass was chopped off. The looks from those disgusting people that you hope would talk to you. Having some one walk up to you and tell you they wanted and off you went for a night of play with a stranger trusting that they had as much to loose as your did if they went too far but so wrapped up in the moment that the allure was too strong to say know.
Yes I know totally unsafe, I know all the dangers that we skirted the times it could have gone either way and the bruises and marks to show that we were not in a gentle lifestyle. I think I do miss excitement of fear that was always present yep missing the old days and the excitement of entering the unknown throwing caution to wind for the change of fulfillment of desire. So time for a coffee I guess and hopefully I will be ravaged by a postal women or a meter reader or maybe ……
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Exercising
I have always been able to get up sports. Any type of competition actually I love to compete. However getting into shape by exercise rather then play myself into shape has always been a difficult for me. Any drudgery activity is like that for me. It is so easy when some one is cheering you on rather then the silence of a gym or a solitary work out.
The only motivating factor for me is when I am with a dominant. First of all is is set as a task and secondly they can make it so much more interesting eith when they are there or not. Th e idea of being in a body harness and having to go on the stationary bike for ten minutes can cause a lot of interesting sensation suck as the ropes pulling and pinching areas of the body. Having times set by yourself does not mean much if you do not make them however when you do not make them with a dominant involved usually means an unpleasant sensation of some form. These have always increased my ability to meet objectives when a dominant is around.
Perhaps they should open up a gym Dominants are us I am sure they could come up with all sorts of incentives toget into shape.Well guess I have wasted enought time got to get back to the exercising again oh what is that an email well guess I have to answer it might be importatnms it is in my junk mail folder but hey it could be imporatant couldn't it? Right!
The only motivating factor for me is when I am with a dominant. First of all is is set as a task and secondly they can make it so much more interesting eith when they are there or not. Th e idea of being in a body harness and having to go on the stationary bike for ten minutes can cause a lot of interesting sensation suck as the ropes pulling and pinching areas of the body. Having times set by yourself does not mean much if you do not make them however when you do not make them with a dominant involved usually means an unpleasant sensation of some form. These have always increased my ability to meet objectives when a dominant is around.
Perhaps they should open up a gym Dominants are us I am sure they could come up with all sorts of incentives toget into shape.Well guess I have wasted enought time got to get back to the exercising again oh what is that an email well guess I have to answer it might be importatnms it is in my junk mail folder but hey it could be imporatant couldn't it? Right!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Pet peeves
Did I hurt you? a question that irks me in a session.
First off if it is delivered with a wry smile and a little sadistic laugh it is great. How ever when it is a real questions it worries me. First off being spanked, whipped caned or tortured hurts. Just in case some one did not know that. SO it is a dumb question, I tolerate the pain to get the rush simple is it not. The questions also suggest that the person I am playing with either does not know me or is not reading me right.
Can you get up? well if I am not tied down I can just tell to get up if I cannot you will know soon enough. Is not the fun of bondage trying to get away . does not your ability show when you slave cannot. Actually the use of the word can in a question not delivered sarcastically is annoying and worry some slaves should be told not ask in my opinion. Of course if I am with a Dominants and they use the aforementioned irks well not my place to say anything is it!
First off if it is delivered with a wry smile and a little sadistic laugh it is great. How ever when it is a real questions it worries me. First off being spanked, whipped caned or tortured hurts. Just in case some one did not know that. SO it is a dumb question, I tolerate the pain to get the rush simple is it not. The questions also suggest that the person I am playing with either does not know me or is not reading me right.
Can you get up? well if I am not tied down I can just tell to get up if I cannot you will know soon enough. Is not the fun of bondage trying to get away . does not your ability show when you slave cannot. Actually the use of the word can in a question not delivered sarcastically is annoying and worry some slaves should be told not ask in my opinion. Of course if I am with a Dominants and they use the aforementioned irks well not my place to say anything is it!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Dungeons are good for thinking
I have put myself into my mental form of a dungeon for quite some time now. I have thought and pondered on the idea of my definition of a slave what I have done in the past how I started where I am now.
Where I started was many years ago after watching an edition of Rifleman where mark was kidnapped and roughed up.(for those of you that do not remember he was the rifle mans son) I went to sleep and had wild dreams about the idea of kidnapping and what they could make me do. I transposed myself into the role of the victim. I was eight years old. From there any chance I got to be the looser and face the consequences I did. If it was a gauntlet run then I did I did not give in my list of limits nor tell every one I had a safe word.
When I first found and embrace the lifestyle it was in a very secretive club with few rules for slave. They were written on the wall as slaves knelt waiting to be used. Any one superior to you can use you in any fashion they wish to . No DM no safe words and no limits . Trust is all you had, all you needed because of the scrutiny you had to go through to get in.We knew of the rules the Superior ones had . Play as you wish slaves must be able to be used again in 48 hours. The last part was very clear that mean you might get bruised but not willfully harmed.
All was good NOW with the Internet and services which only request a valid email address those rules I started with are must like saying bind fold yourself and walk into traffic the drivers know they should stop. This fear might not be here if I were younger and uncommitted to family but I am.
I also like to fit in thought I am a bit outspoken at times so when someone asks what re your hard limits I give them a list that I think they want to hear to show how safe I am. I do this because they ask and give control over to me which I found to be harmful to relations for me in the lifestyle. I do not want love from this lifestyle I want to feel humiliation of defeat. I want to be treated as the 90 pound weakling being given a wedgie. Though I might be smart then those in control of me or more successful then them in academics I enjoy feeling helpless at their hands as they spit upon me and call me slave.
SO now I think it is time to get back out on the meat market with no limits but lots of conversation before I accept them to be my owners. No safe word but an assurance they are sane. So now I think it might be time to remove all the coverings from hiding what I am. the question now would be Do I shave off all the hair signifying that I am adult male bring me back to being less then the Men and women that might own me or wait for them to tell me what to do. If I knew how to attach a poll I would
Where I started was many years ago after watching an edition of Rifleman where mark was kidnapped and roughed up.(for those of you that do not remember he was the rifle mans son) I went to sleep and had wild dreams about the idea of kidnapping and what they could make me do. I transposed myself into the role of the victim. I was eight years old. From there any chance I got to be the looser and face the consequences I did. If it was a gauntlet run then I did I did not give in my list of limits nor tell every one I had a safe word.
When I first found and embrace the lifestyle it was in a very secretive club with few rules for slave. They were written on the wall as slaves knelt waiting to be used. Any one superior to you can use you in any fashion they wish to . No DM no safe words and no limits . Trust is all you had, all you needed because of the scrutiny you had to go through to get in.We knew of the rules the Superior ones had . Play as you wish slaves must be able to be used again in 48 hours. The last part was very clear that mean you might get bruised but not willfully harmed.
All was good NOW with the Internet and services which only request a valid email address those rules I started with are must like saying bind fold yourself and walk into traffic the drivers know they should stop. This fear might not be here if I were younger and uncommitted to family but I am.
I also like to fit in thought I am a bit outspoken at times so when someone asks what re your hard limits I give them a list that I think they want to hear to show how safe I am. I do this because they ask and give control over to me which I found to be harmful to relations for me in the lifestyle. I do not want love from this lifestyle I want to feel humiliation of defeat. I want to be treated as the 90 pound weakling being given a wedgie. Though I might be smart then those in control of me or more successful then them in academics I enjoy feeling helpless at their hands as they spit upon me and call me slave.
SO now I think it is time to get back out on the meat market with no limits but lots of conversation before I accept them to be my owners. No safe word but an assurance they are sane. So now I think it might be time to remove all the coverings from hiding what I am. the question now would be Do I shave off all the hair signifying that I am adult male bring me back to being less then the Men and women that might own me or wait for them to tell me what to do. If I knew how to attach a poll I would
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Dommes can make sense.
After reading a few post and an exchange of emails I have found a Dominant that has the same concept of what a slave should be. The term has been confused with being s submissive. While both submit they are two different beings. I first stumble upon her frankly because of her eyes and when I read a post of hers about safe words. I cannot see a slave using a safe word yes for a submissive. A slave should be able to offer themselves fully to their owner not just the things they desire to happen. She has the belief the slave is there for her pleasure not theirs. I am quite sure that if we talked to a galley slave from old they did not shout red when the rowing became too much for them.
It was nice to read some one willing to take the responsibility for their slave and not push it off onto the slave shoulders to do so. Many time slaves are in no position to do this when they are in pain they might just be enjoying themselves too much to care. A dominant that does not require thought by a slave, nor inform them of what service they would provide but instead inform them that there is no saying (no, I can’t I do not want to) or any other negative statement to her request. What a pure pleasure it must be, to serve some one so in control of their desires.
I also realize that so many times I have sought this type of dominance yet never found it. I gave into those questions that first came out of Dominants mouths. What are your limits is one. Almost begging you to inform them what limits they must live by. Except for any one not legal to make decisions I had none when I started. Now depending on how dominant or experienced they are makes my list of hard limits an appropriate length. I unfortunately have brought my level of slavery down to a deplorable low. Another question would be what don’t you like well as the slave why should the dominants care what I like? Only one dominant couple ever told me tough to be you , suck it up and do it. But I had dumped on them a list of hard limits that at best gave them headaches just trying to keep up to it. Why did I do it because they let me consider ever fear possible instead of forcing me to trust them by saying no? Funny, how a word so small, is so important to the raising of children and the training of slaves.
I have always said I do not submit or give my submission to any one they must take it. How to do this? The strength of word, character and conviction that you can convey. The use of the word no. To do this you must know what you desire and have the confidence to carry it out with out the fear of disappointing the slave.
Now, I do apologize to those dominants that I have put down in the past or said they were lazy or not strong enough they might have just been living out their desires I could have said no thank you to them hoping to transform them into the evil dominant I seek but if that is not their desire I do not have a right to change them.
If I were such a perfect slave I would have never had safe words or hard limits. While I have gotten rid of my limits and safe word I do have limitations base on family and friends that any dominant worth their salt can see so if I can trust some one to tie me up I should be able to trust them to make decisions about things that were hard limits, if I can’t well once you are tied to a cross do you really have much say in the matter!
It was nice to read some one willing to take the responsibility for their slave and not push it off onto the slave shoulders to do so. Many time slaves are in no position to do this when they are in pain they might just be enjoying themselves too much to care. A dominant that does not require thought by a slave, nor inform them of what service they would provide but instead inform them that there is no saying (no, I can’t I do not want to) or any other negative statement to her request. What a pure pleasure it must be, to serve some one so in control of their desires.
I also realize that so many times I have sought this type of dominance yet never found it. I gave into those questions that first came out of Dominants mouths. What are your limits is one. Almost begging you to inform them what limits they must live by. Except for any one not legal to make decisions I had none when I started. Now depending on how dominant or experienced they are makes my list of hard limits an appropriate length. I unfortunately have brought my level of slavery down to a deplorable low. Another question would be what don’t you like well as the slave why should the dominants care what I like? Only one dominant couple ever told me tough to be you , suck it up and do it. But I had dumped on them a list of hard limits that at best gave them headaches just trying to keep up to it. Why did I do it because they let me consider ever fear possible instead of forcing me to trust them by saying no? Funny, how a word so small, is so important to the raising of children and the training of slaves.
I have always said I do not submit or give my submission to any one they must take it. How to do this? The strength of word, character and conviction that you can convey. The use of the word no. To do this you must know what you desire and have the confidence to carry it out with out the fear of disappointing the slave.
Now, I do apologize to those dominants that I have put down in the past or said they were lazy or not strong enough they might have just been living out their desires I could have said no thank you to them hoping to transform them into the evil dominant I seek but if that is not their desire I do not have a right to change them.
If I were such a perfect slave I would have never had safe words or hard limits. While I have gotten rid of my limits and safe word I do have limitations base on family and friends that any dominant worth their salt can see so if I can trust some one to tie me up I should be able to trust them to make decisions about things that were hard limits, if I can’t well once you are tied to a cross do you really have much say in the matter!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
How can you know
A statement that sends chills down my spine for the wrong reasons. A few Dominants have said to me trying to be all knowing that they know exactly how to dominate me. I have post many different ways of doing so on my blogs and journals yet they seem to miss the point. Yes I like certain things and ways of doing them every one has their personal tastes in these matters. The emphasis I always try to put is on the evil mind and control part.
Evil mind usually means some one who can think past the idea that they have to be in control and that does not mean getting every idea from the slave. The term slave I always use to try and show that I am the captive the one that is told what to do. I do not know of a term that reflects what I desire more then slave if thee is one some one please let me know. There are tons of books and blogs out there giving enough ideas to last a life time even that would be preferably to having to provide the step by step plan.
SO I have come to the conclusion that I am a source for ideas for fantasies and the odd photo. SO I sit mystified at the idea of a slave being offered and the Dominant not knowing what they want in a slave. Why do they even indulge in the idea without knowing what they want ?
Evil mind usually means some one who can think past the idea that they have to be in control and that does not mean getting every idea from the slave. The term slave I always use to try and show that I am the captive the one that is told what to do. I do not know of a term that reflects what I desire more then slave if thee is one some one please let me know. There are tons of books and blogs out there giving enough ideas to last a life time even that would be preferably to having to provide the step by step plan.
SO I have come to the conclusion that I am a source for ideas for fantasies and the odd photo. SO I sit mystified at the idea of a slave being offered and the Dominant not knowing what they want in a slave. Why do they even indulge in the idea without knowing what they want ?
Monday, February 23, 2009
Radio bdsm
a rock radio station has a contest on to win a trip. A challenge is given out to win. So far these have been cleaning a both in a peep show, doing a strip tease for a female announcer on air, cleaning the offices in the radio station in a french maid outfit and receiving 97 towel whacks on as they say the arse. Of course this is a contest for men so it is interesting taht there is such overtones of the lifestyle.
What could come next My mind does wonder hmmm perhaps I will get tied to a lamppost with a paddle hanging beside a sign saying go ahead remove your frustrations.
What could come next My mind does wonder hmmm perhaps I will get tied to a lamppost with a paddle hanging beside a sign saying go ahead remove your frustrations.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A idea of slavery
Slavery has many definitions. The one I like best is being compelled to do distasteful work or tasks for one that was not chosen by you but through capture or sale.
We all have the idea of perfect Dominants whether it is that beautiful Domme in tight leather that will sexually torment you for hours delivering every fantasy you ever had. It could be the black knight on white horse with long blond hair lashing your face as he has thrown you up on his horse and is taking off to be his sex slave.
Really though do those not evoke the sexual side too much. Is it not more humiliating to have to bow down to those you would be a bit more distasteful of? When slaves were captured they did not chose who their masters were. Since humiliation is in every slave relation to some degree then would it not be more humiliating to have to bend your knee to your rival rather than your lover. I think it would be whether male or female if you battled with them would it then be more embarrassing to have to say you are better than I .? Would the tasks take on a much more delicious nature or humiliation? Any task that had to be done in front of them or their friends would carry so much more weight in the idea of your slavery then a willing acceptance of slavery to one you desire?
I would answer yes to the above questions For me in my desire of ideal slavery if would be that I was taken or sold rather then negotiate and agree. Of course in this day and age with the pitfalls of such a relation quite evident this possibility must remain in fantasy only.
We all have the idea of perfect Dominants whether it is that beautiful Domme in tight leather that will sexually torment you for hours delivering every fantasy you ever had. It could be the black knight on white horse with long blond hair lashing your face as he has thrown you up on his horse and is taking off to be his sex slave.
Really though do those not evoke the sexual side too much. Is it not more humiliating to have to bow down to those you would be a bit more distasteful of? When slaves were captured they did not chose who their masters were. Since humiliation is in every slave relation to some degree then would it not be more humiliating to have to bend your knee to your rival rather than your lover. I think it would be whether male or female if you battled with them would it then be more embarrassing to have to say you are better than I .? Would the tasks take on a much more delicious nature or humiliation? Any task that had to be done in front of them or their friends would carry so much more weight in the idea of your slavery then a willing acceptance of slavery to one you desire?
I would answer yes to the above questions For me in my desire of ideal slavery if would be that I was taken or sold rather then negotiate and agree. Of course in this day and age with the pitfalls of such a relation quite evident this possibility must remain in fantasy only.
Friday, February 13, 2009
A simple humiliation
I am a member of Humiliation Nation on Fet-life. SO I receive and awful lot of posts from them. They are of extraordinary ways of humiliation and things to embarrass some one. I think too many ask just to have said they have posted and a little too much thought goes into these things on such a simple concept. So I went on a search through out the Internet world. I found this on U Tube of all places
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8848547778928252975.
It shows the humiliation of a man by two women. No one is naked just sitting outside in a park where he has to smell lick their feet and suck their toes. During this time they verbally berate him simple and effective.
So I guess that most on fet-life wish to be handed what to do rather then invent or at least google it. Sadly a lot are Dominants seem they do ot have much of an imagination slaves never seem to run out of fantasies about it though. So any one from fet-life that wishes to embarrass a slave well go to Mean Girls on the Internet or really ask you slave there is a hundred different things they would love to be forced to do to their embarrassment.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8848547778928252975.
It shows the humiliation of a man by two women. No one is naked just sitting outside in a park where he has to smell lick their feet and suck their toes. During this time they verbally berate him simple and effective.
So I guess that most on fet-life wish to be handed what to do rather then invent or at least google it. Sadly a lot are Dominants seem they do ot have much of an imagination slaves never seem to run out of fantasies about it though. So any one from fet-life that wishes to embarrass a slave well go to Mean Girls on the Internet or really ask you slave there is a hundred different things they would love to be forced to do to their embarrassment.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Nothing
I have to write this here as my other blogs seem just not to fit this weekend. I did nothing no hermit time , no new stories, no play or new challenges. Did not even have coffee with friends on Friday. Just a plain boring vanilla weekend. Even though On Friday night I was all alone they was no drive or feeling to do anything but watch hockey.
The idea of having slave rules sort of fun but a catalyst is missing. There is not the proper reason behind it I think. These rules give me stimulation and pleasure they were not written to give others such as a dominants control or the pleasure that a slave is fulfilling their desires. Just a guy doing the house work naked.
So this was a weekend off form my enforced slavery and a small walk on the dominant side just to clear my head a bit.I went on a few chats read some discussions but the most interesting thing around was what istruemene do you enjoy have your clit torture with . Interesting but did not capture me you could say. I even searched for outdoor bondage some thing that usually will provoke interest in me but nothing.
The amount of people in my house still plagues any attempt to extend my house slavery and will for some time. It is not like a dominant locking you in their house naked and telling you everything must sparkle grinning as they have shackled your legs and hands to provide a challenge. Every second and sound would have meaning them now well there is no demand no must be quicker feeling just well boredom. So maybe a few days off and we will see.
The idea of having slave rules sort of fun but a catalyst is missing. There is not the proper reason behind it I think. These rules give me stimulation and pleasure they were not written to give others such as a dominants control or the pleasure that a slave is fulfilling their desires. Just a guy doing the house work naked.
So this was a weekend off form my enforced slavery and a small walk on the dominant side just to clear my head a bit.I went on a few chats read some discussions but the most interesting thing around was what istruemene do you enjoy have your clit torture with . Interesting but did not capture me you could say. I even searched for outdoor bondage some thing that usually will provoke interest in me but nothing.
The amount of people in my house still plagues any attempt to extend my house slavery and will for some time. It is not like a dominant locking you in their house naked and telling you everything must sparkle grinning as they have shackled your legs and hands to provide a challenge. Every second and sound would have meaning them now well there is no demand no must be quicker feeling just well boredom. So maybe a few days off and we will see.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
As men grow older their toys grow smaller
I accepted a friend’s invitation to attend a meeting last night. I had spent some of the day with him catching up and after supper he said to me time to go play. Of course, even though I knew it was not lifestyle related the comment put me in an interested mood. I got the feeling he was worried that the evening would be boring for me.
So off we went. A bunch of guys like this I have never met before. The first thing I noticed was the gleam in thir eyes. It was like seeing little boys that have just walked into the room on Christmas day with all the packages decorated and they stood back taking in the moment. The next thing I noticed was how clean they mostly were my size or larger. Some of them looked like they could play linemen for a football team.
There they were and I will not use the word playing as it is not accepted well by the group so I will say operating very much like being in the real world of trains. Yes miniatures trains were the interest. Funny how those really into an hobby, are so willing to share their knowledge. They knew I was not a train person but they freely opened up and answered all my questions. It was almost like I was an attraction some one to convert or maybe I was some one they could explain their interest to there for fulfilling their need to expose their lust for this hobby. Hobby is a light word as I feel these guys were a lot more intense then I have seen in the lifestyle in a very long time.
I think that I s what I enjoyed the most was the intensity they showed and that my friend was so alive. That and the idea that these guys have huge hands yet can fabricate pile of lumber out of a Popsicle sticks. All and all an interesting experience!
Now of course I cannot end it there. I loved it for much reason some of them related to the lifestyle. First I was in the middle of a bunch who love miniatures next my friend forgot to tell me to bring slippers as you are not allowed to were your boots inside, so I spent all night walking on a cement floor hmmm dungeon sounding is it not. My feet have not yet warmed up so a lasting feeling much as good spanking would. The only other little engines that cause this much happiness would be a vibrator. I found out that real men do not grow up they keep their zeal for things such as these. I of course have come away with all sorts of fodder for future fantasies.
SO no it was not torture and yes I did have fun.
So off we went. A bunch of guys like this I have never met before. The first thing I noticed was the gleam in thir eyes. It was like seeing little boys that have just walked into the room on Christmas day with all the packages decorated and they stood back taking in the moment. The next thing I noticed was how clean they mostly were my size or larger. Some of them looked like they could play linemen for a football team.
There they were and I will not use the word playing as it is not accepted well by the group so I will say operating very much like being in the real world of trains. Yes miniatures trains were the interest. Funny how those really into an hobby, are so willing to share their knowledge. They knew I was not a train person but they freely opened up and answered all my questions. It was almost like I was an attraction some one to convert or maybe I was some one they could explain their interest to there for fulfilling their need to expose their lust for this hobby. Hobby is a light word as I feel these guys were a lot more intense then I have seen in the lifestyle in a very long time.
I think that I s what I enjoyed the most was the intensity they showed and that my friend was so alive. That and the idea that these guys have huge hands yet can fabricate pile of lumber out of a Popsicle sticks. All and all an interesting experience!
Now of course I cannot end it there. I loved it for much reason some of them related to the lifestyle. First I was in the middle of a bunch who love miniatures next my friend forgot to tell me to bring slippers as you are not allowed to were your boots inside, so I spent all night walking on a cement floor hmmm dungeon sounding is it not. My feet have not yet warmed up so a lasting feeling much as good spanking would. The only other little engines that cause this much happiness would be a vibrator. I found out that real men do not grow up they keep their zeal for things such as these. I of course have come away with all sorts of fodder for future fantasies.
SO no it was not torture and yes I did have fun.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Serving
I sometimes wonder if being a person that likes to do things for others has predisposed me to having my submissive side being the dominant of the two. I enjoy facial expressions when some one has acknowledge some thing I have done for them and that certain feeling in side. It is very similar to when a dominants pats my bottom and says well done or verbal informs me that my conduct was good. I enjoy the attention of doing things for other people making them feel good.
I do not enjoy being with an owner or dominant that does not pay attention to what I do or offer them. Just like an unattended child or puppy I act up . Many have seen the bratty side and the answer to any brat is to find out what they was everyone to see what they have to offer. In my dominants side I also like to please but that is different it is complicated as you want the slave to achieve flight through their desires. SO service e of a service sub , pain for a pain slut and protocols for a protocol sub last but not least slavery for a slave.
As a slave it is easy to be rewarded for my efforts a touch , a word and yes a damn good session . As for dominant I gain it through the grimace on their face as they shudder through orgasm, or in the screams as I hit their G spot. Their forced thank you at the end of a session which is sometime so protocol driven that I doubt if the slave can remember doing it after coming down from their flight. You are sitting at the edge of disaster and with little acknowledgement as you teeter on disappointment for the slave or injury for them. They never know how close unless there is an accident and then they still ask for more. I know I have in the past. So lets hope that dominants do have that nasty evil personality that can say tough to be you and mean it otherwise they just might go insane.So next time I am with a dominant I just might lick an suck them off or rimm that ass a little better and with more effort and not a task to do badly so I get another beating, just to say thanks for giving me my desires for attention through what I need the spanking,whippings and humiliation Thanks for accepting my service because that fill a whole other desire.. well that is if the brat does not show up.
I do not enjoy being with an owner or dominant that does not pay attention to what I do or offer them. Just like an unattended child or puppy I act up . Many have seen the bratty side and the answer to any brat is to find out what they was everyone to see what they have to offer. In my dominants side I also like to please but that is different it is complicated as you want the slave to achieve flight through their desires. SO service e of a service sub , pain for a pain slut and protocols for a protocol sub last but not least slavery for a slave.
As a slave it is easy to be rewarded for my efforts a touch , a word and yes a damn good session . As for dominant I gain it through the grimace on their face as they shudder through orgasm, or in the screams as I hit their G spot. Their forced thank you at the end of a session which is sometime so protocol driven that I doubt if the slave can remember doing it after coming down from their flight. You are sitting at the edge of disaster and with little acknowledgement as you teeter on disappointment for the slave or injury for them. They never know how close unless there is an accident and then they still ask for more. I know I have in the past. So lets hope that dominants do have that nasty evil personality that can say tough to be you and mean it otherwise they just might go insane.So next time I am with a dominant I just might lick an suck them off or rimm that ass a little better and with more effort and not a task to do badly so I get another beating, just to say thanks for giving me my desires for attention through what I need the spanking,whippings and humiliation Thanks for accepting my service because that fill a whole other desire.. well that is if the brat does not show up.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Capture by a sun beam
One of the nicer feeling in the winter for me is to stretch out in a sun beam in the afternoon. If feels great and relaxing and like an old cat I tend to drift off quickly in it. It also holds it's dangers. The sun moves and soon I am laying naked in a very cold area of my bed as the beam has moved off. It is a funny feeling if you can stay awake for it to feel the shadow starting to move upon you. Much like the old cliff hangers as the hero is struggling to stay atop a mountain as his footing is disappearing under him so it is with the sun beam as I tried to shift to remain in the sun while the size did dwindle. Turning and twisting I finally ended up on my side. This afforded me the sensation of the shadow touching my front and back confining me to the spot to stay under the sun's gaze. Waiting until the last spec of light to dance off my body on to the wall of my room.
Funny what we will do to achieve the tactile sensations of our desires.
Funny what we will do to achieve the tactile sensations of our desires.
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